headache...
finally... chosen 6 secondary schools for my sis which is to her satisfactory and which my mom agrees... since she got her results on saturday, i've spent almost the entire 3 days brainstorming good schools for her including the following factors -- distance, time needed to reach the school, CCAs the sch offers, academic achievements etc etc... awhz... had sleepless nights browsing through the schools' sites & the book which had a compiled list (rmb?) that i think i can memorise the facts of some schools... but i think it's worth my time cos i don't want my sis to suffer the same fate as me and my friends...

to all the people who're concerned about my sis's results & who've helped me in suggesting her schools... thanks alot... *smiles*
here are her first 3 chosen schools:-
(1) Chung Cheng High
(2) Bowen
(3) St Theresa's Convent

now... it's time to worry about mine... have to apply for the 1st three months... cos i'm eligible for CIs & i don't want to work yet... but millenia institute at toh tuck is farrrrrr... yet it is the only CI offering science course...

wish me luck there... i hope i don't fall asleep in the bus and miss my stop... wahahaz... & most importantly not regret...

Finally... PHEW!
congratulate me on completing the Os... too lagging liaoz ... cos most people finished Os last week... haven't been updating on how i think i did on which papers during what day... wellez... don't have the mood to... all i know is, it's going to be doom's day when i get my results next year...

my dreams are shattered... completely.

yong bie le (farewell), aj.

i do hope to step in one last time on 151203 for the tune-in session. but i doubt i've the courage to step in. prelims dieded. Os... most likely cannot make it there. what for do i want to go for tune-in, right? *frown*

if i get that 20 points, i'm sure i'd be too happy to ask for more. if i don't, (i've ever thought of committing suicide... afterall i spent 2 years for this Os... i'm never gonna forgive myself... of course i know that it's already done..... shouldn't think of it anymore... but... u know.....) i'd probably spend several years for a diploma+degree course in yamaha music academy majoring in electone... yepz. (i've even printed the application form... i'm serious, buddies...)

some people asked me why i don't intend to go to a poly. wellez, i really don't have interest in any of the courses there except on business IT... but, in the IT field... very tough since i've to constantly upgrade myself... very demanding though other jobs require upgrading too... & ultimately, i don't want to consider any jobs related to it. just curious, that's all.

for now, i'm going to commit myself to practising electone for the upcoming grade 6 exams... which eventually will help me in acheiving ABRSM grade 7 and fulfil the requirements of yamaha music academy. moreover, i've to practise extremely hard so that i can pass the audition, very well. and since i've suspended myself for 2 months of yamaha lessons due to Os (first time ever... in my last 10 yrs of learning...) imagine how much i've to catch up. but i know it's worth it. simply bcos i love music. *grinz* looked through the course's module... & realised i can at least do some minor studies on a second instrument. with no doubt, clarinet of course! heez.

in addition to music, i want to learn tennis during this long hols... can't wait to get a coach... afterwhich, i'll learn roller blading.. squash.. & probably golf?! haha... too ambitious... but i just want to spend my hols wisely...

ah... christmas nearing... and so is my 16th birthday (finally... after all these teasings... argh...) can't wait to go shopping... haha...

life's like the conductor's baton

in the beginning, we build the foundations of life...
- starting from crawling to walking
- learning to communicate
- making of friends
- gaining of knowledge
- getting motivated to do what we're supposed to do
- sparing a thought for others
- leadership skills
etc etc... and these symbolises the "base" of the baton.

overtime, u'll find that life is not as smooth sailing, like the rough texture of the baton...

u'll also find that life isn't as short as it seemed like; and not very long too... just like the baton...

and everyone goes through different experiences in life... just like differently designed batons...

but the comforting part is... great orchestras/bands are conducted using this simple-looking baton. this baton signifies your importance as an individual.

lastly, de tip of the baton signifies the peak of your life...

+- when u try placing the baton on the flat side of one of your fingers, it balances. hence, the foundation u accumulated in life has aided u in fulfilling the later part of your life -- achievements. -+

by me... inspired when i went back to visit the band today...

EvErYbOdY's UpSeT... *sigh*
heartbroken... *clang clang clang*
today's the baddest day ever.
i'm not alone who's upset or heartbroken.
no wonder my eyelids twitched. the bad side.
call me supertitious. but i always believe that my eyelids forsee certain things. most are quite true. i even classify one set for friends. and based on today, maybe coincidental, but true loh.
find it weird when all 3 of us got upset at the same time.
although we're upset, we consoled each other. weird.
niwaez, i believe it'll be better tomorrow. well, even if it ain't, there'll always be the day after next and so on. bleahz. why so crappy today.

of all my friends in the midst of Os, the happiest people, or rather, couple on earth would be weixiang and stephanie -- lovebirds from vs & tkgs. congrats!

...currently...
gulping on : vanilla coke
listening to: cun zai by 5566 [don really like them but influenced by grace & ended up repeating the song over & over again. =)]

the story of wind, leaf & tree

thought this story is somewhat similar to mine - liking somebody for 3 yrs...
fortunately, i've moved on... very recently...
haven't found a satisfactory answer as to why this special feeling faded off though...

so far, i've talked to 2 of my good friends about this. i was very touched when jessica said that, seeing me xi huan de na me xing ku, she also felt like crying for me... i'm really sorry to have made my friends (if any) felt this way... thanks for yall's undying concern... i can't help but keep on thinking sometimes... as yall know, i'm an introvert so i tend to keep things to myself, not that i don't want to confide in yall. hope yall understand.


[Tree ]
The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime, I started to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I have dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There's one girl who I loved a lot but never dared go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary girl. I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility.
Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together, all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid that other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my girl, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason made her accompany me for 3 years. She watched me chase after girls, and I made her cry for 3 years.

She wanted to be a good actress but, I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but just smiled & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry and laughed at her the whole day. When everybody went back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. And, I watched her cry for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarrelled. I knew that based on her character she's not the type that will start off with the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she laughed & joked with me as if nothing ever happened. I knew that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know who's the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy, full of energy and liveliness. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the school. Unable to express to her how I felt at that moment, I only smiled & congratulated her. When I reached home, the heart ache was so strong that I couldn't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breathe. Wanted to shout out loud but couldn't. Tears rolled down my cheeks & I broke down completely.

How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.

On the day of graduation, I read a sms in my handphone. It was sent10 days ago, when I broke down and cried. I haven't read it since then.

It read,"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay... ..."

[Leaf]

During my Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because, I felt that for a leaf to leave a tree it had been relying on for so long, it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but just as a buddy. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a terrible feeling - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be described by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemons. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another girl.

"I like him & I knew he likes me too. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me, why doesn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I began to suspect that this is a one sided love.

If he doesn't like me, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I know his likes, his habits... But how he feels towards me, is what I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him and love him with all my heart. Hoping that one fine day, he will love me. I waited for his phone call and sms every night. I knew that no matter how busy he is, he would spare some time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really wanted to give up. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt & the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.

Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. He courted me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind just a small footing in my heart. I knew this wind will bring this badly battered leave to a far away place; to a better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smiled but did not ask me to stay. "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay... ..."

[Wind]

I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I had to be the gust wind, that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transferred to the new school. I would oftenly see a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer.

During our soccer training after school, she would always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks to girls, there would be jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there would be a kind of happiness in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him. One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amiss. I can't explain the feeling but I know it's a kind of uneasiness. Then. I noticed that the senior was not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her, took out a note & gave it to her. She looked surprised. Fortunately, she smiled & accepted the note. The next day, she appeared & passed me a note and left.

It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away."

"It's not that leaf's heart is too heavy. It's because leaf never wanted to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves still isn't me. But I am sure that one day, she would like me.
Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her, for no less than 20 times. Everytime, she would divert away from the topic. But I didn't give up. If I wanted her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her.

Although I knew that she would try to divert the topic, I still bear a small ray of hope, hoping that she would agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hung the phone and quickly changed. I took a taxi and rushed to her place.

The moment she opened the door, I hugged her tightly. "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay... ..."

[adapted from an email forwarded by kahmeng]