MOVED

2006-04-30T12:14:00.000+08:00

MOVED
click click

2006-04-13T14:29:00.000+08:00

Transitions

"everybody's changing and i don't feel the same.."

ali(cia) 23 liao! shiling 20 liao! so old. LOL.

did some catching up with shiling n cream over de weekend. bought a nice nice pierre cardin wallet for shiling. so proud of wad i chose cos she only use this brand's wallet. *grins* super happy to see them again. hope we toothless liao still can celebrate special occasions together.. haha.. quoted fm shiling.

then went for ali's bday chalet. she turned 23. unbelievable. haha. then did some catching up with scotts ppl. old and new.

scotts suddenly alot of new faces. go for break like go party liddat. very shuang. find myself thinking.. if only it was this happening then. but then again.. so many ppl very squeezy loh. so inconvenient. cosy still better. haiya.

reshufflement list.. hmm.. i think COMING SOON ba.. donno where will everyone be transferred to.. nxt time go visiting must run alot of places.. haiyo. hope everyone can be happy abt their new counter.

oh and i very happy to see my hp ringing while working. everytime see $XXX.XX i wanna zzz. all de paperwork make me sleepy. de calls sort of woke me & cheered me up. cos recently donno why alot of my ex-colleagues like to call & ka chaiu. haha. den some calls concerns my music thing. so quite happy.

then yesterday i started my diploma in pre-sch teaching. got de back-to-sch feeling which is GOOD. yippee. and de students there are very friendly too. looking 4ward to getting As. hahaha... happy~

sounds like a HAPPY week eh?

but of course. there were not-so-happy moments too lah. but de prob is only with one person. so de happy outweigh de no-so-happy. in conclusion, still a very happy week.

and some i really donno wad to feel.

was called up for an audition rgding my music teaching, which is like a week away?! gosh. totally shocking. feeling a lil kan cheong. cause not very prepared u see. argh. im supposed to play sth im preparing at the moment. as in, de grade im gonna be examined this yr. really no confi. not pinning high hopes on this, honestly.

well...

all de best sihui.

*pat pat*

im so so insane these days.

2006-04-02T13:12:00.000+08:00

you matter to me

i nv like to be forgotten. and i nv like to forget my friends. so i make it a point to meet up or even send a msg to remind them that they aren't forgotten. when i sms u, i really miss u. when i mass forward, its bcos i miss alot of ppl. yes. i admit. im an emo-freak. (._.)v

yesterday was one of my happiest days.. did nth significant.. dint win any special prizes whatsoever.. but i was elated just seeing my ex-colleagues visiting mall by mall, catching up with dem. i spent like 12 hrs in town yest. so damn shuang i tell u. haha.

everytime i visit dem, i'll oways bring nice marks & spencer chocolates biscuits etc. cos eating is one of de most luxurious thing to do in sales line. can hide in store & munch & "eat snake" with strong air-con. like chalet.

& was very HONOURED (indeed, ahem) to be accompanied by my new shopping partner, meiqi aka mq aka self-proclaimed cutie. we like to hunt down far east & heeren for nice tees. & i donno why i oways get to buy nice shorts whenever i shop with her. makaning with her is oways very stressful. maybe she has high metabolism rate (not to mention her vicious violent-ic slap & her "lesbianic" behaviour with joanna) so she oways eats like a hungry ghost & walk super fast. lol.

[to be continued...]

wa lau. mom is ooooways nagging. rate is super high these days. spoil my blogging mood. gotta go for my piano lesson. at katong mans. sihui left de blogosphere at 1.28pm.

2006-03-18T12:22:00.000+08:00

Unbelievable

Listen to this song

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and you changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how-.
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,
And I've never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.

When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and cry.
Ohh yeah, break down and cry.

Now I see, what love means..

2006-02-28T14:11:00.000+08:00

mixed emotions

yesterday i was feeling a lil down ; a lil nostalgic & very pang-sehed..

this morning i woke up with a tired heart ; lethargic soul & a morning-call-request..

this afternoon ms. chew gimme de "antibiotics" to kill all bad cells..

im a deflated balloon no more.. wee~

what am i talking about..

dont think u understand..

do u?

P.S. i really hate being pang-sehed & i dont feel ok even if i said i was.

Quote of the month:

Do not meet so many people in a day bcos you wont have time for all.

Afterall, you only have 24 hrs - 8 hrs slp - 2 hrs meals - 2 hrs travelling time, a day.

Wasting ppl's time is a sin. And I've learnt to pang-seh my close friend - lateness.

sihui is less than 24 hrs away to THE OFFICE JOB

2006-02-23T11:55:00.000+08:00

Rumour Has It

is super duper nice la..

From the movie...

"I can live without you. But I don't want to."

"It's not about what you do together, it's about who you are with."

must watch ok. it was unexpectedly nice. touching, hilarious and.. scandalous. lol.

2006-02-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

hello everyone! sihui's back!

got miss me not? hee.

alot of things have been happening lately...

and bcos i updated my airport (urm.. apple's wireless connection thingy) i lost my password! yay =( and i wasnt able to retrieve it from de internet service provider. yay yay. =( until now lor. and when i tot i can use my windows to surf.. de monitor failed me. YAY. so i MIA cyberlly for months.

i must thank creamy for giving me a chance to use her comp. yes. i went all de way north-east to use her comp. COOL MAN.

I not stupid 2 was super duper nice la. Must-watch.

Pink Panther oso not bad.

Fearless was gd too.

Heirloom was baaadddd..

What else..

See, Sihui became a movie-freak. All thanks to someone.

So nxt time u need a movie reviewer, u can look for.. SIHUI THE GR8.
hehe.

and..

I MISS ALOT OF PPL.

especially during those sec sch days..

and to all A levels ppl..

All de very best!

Don't forget me when u go Uni ok.

And..

I quit levis le. Boohoo. Shocking right. Nobody'll believe I quit at my own will. And yes don't believe. Cos i was under some pressure to quit. Which, i think is not entirely a bad thing. Or i'll die in music. Haven't been practising.

And..

to my dear friends who're concerned abt my music thing..

I hope I can enter Yamaha Academy. ~~NAFA~~ no more.

I must thank weixiang for giving me his bao gui de yi jian.

And..

pls pray that i'll get a distinction in my coming theory exams.

cos i paid a huge sum to.. no, not bribe de examiners..
to cheong de syllabus with a piano teacher loh.

my exam's in march.

And..

why i quit levis u ask..

my parents want me to work for them and my aunt..

OFFICE JOB. (yucks..)

Wish me luck.

And..

I wanna learn driving.

I'm finally 18. WEE~

alright. i gotta leave b4 creamy screams. she teaching tuition laters. so gtg. well.. see u ppl soon. miss yall. muacks.

OH HAPPY BDAY DIANA!! 20 yrs old liao.. muahaha... 1 more yr to independence.. den pa toh.. get married and have kids!! whoops. =X

2005-12-03T23:42:00.000+08:00

TOO EMOTIONAL

i dint realise how emotional i was (am) until today.

i thought i'd have remained unaffected..
after my senior told me im going away, to relief _____ for a month;
i thought i'd have remained indifferent..
after my executive told me i may not come back nxt mth.

now i believe i go by the heart, not the head.

2 months.
its all it takes to make me feel so attached to where im working now.
(after being transferred from a lovely place)

what hurts most is..
someone i feel close to at work,
someone i treat as a very gd friend,
someone who made me laugh so hard whenever we work together,
actually sounded very happy to see im going away.

when de fax of my new roster came,
his teasings sound so crude & so.. hurtful.

then, the sight of the roster reminds me of all the faces, expressions of my present colleagues. what im gonna miss for the nxt 26 days.

what an awful thing to happen in this wonderful mth of dec.

my eye glands couldnt help themselves.
but i managed to free them from the force of gravity. HA. (ok, not funny.)

and when i THOUGHT im alright..
another senior from downstairs asked me why i look so sad & all..

THEN..

*thunder*

cry like anime characters.
so NOOB / stupid / foolish / silly!

which brings me to a qn..
WHY AM I SO EMO?

*WARNING* dont ask me why i look so sad & all when i look like that nxt time.

but i feel so blessed that other friends were there for me.

thanks alot, ppl. :)

well it takes alot of courage & wisdom to fully understand,
"tian xia wu bu san zhi yan xi"

p.s. crying makes me feel less burdened. more comfy. so is that gd or not?! argh.

2005-10-13T18:46:00.000+08:00

im becoming more and more doubtful.

and less and less capable.

im starting to worry and question now and then.

and im getting more and more tired each day.

. . . . .

the sight of him made me feel less burdened, somehow.

i sort of like.. find solace in his eyes.

all my fan naos disappeared for a while.

. . . . .

im getting weaker physically and mentally.

sometimes i find myself staring in the mirror.

wo zhen de hao lei, u know that?

2005-10-06T18:44:00.000+08:00

i actually have no idea what to write. until yesterday..

when buying ice cream for the sake of the melody soft toy.
( super duper cute. yall buy meal or anything must buy for me ok. haha. )

anyways..
i actually forgot how to eat an ice cream..
i rmb myself to be very good at "eating" instead of licking ice cream few years back.. if u guys rmb..
but yesterday was disastrous.. so dui lian. hai.

my life is getting more and more -- *boorrrinGG (*must listen to my version LIVE. )
i sometimes wonder.. if de world ends today, i'll si de hen bu gan yuan.

ok. im not saying im not enjoying my work and all. I AM. but i feel like i shouldnt live the life of an adult at this point in time. i feel i dont even have TIME to:

1. attend my poly chalet
2. eat a yummy meal / drink pao pao cha
3. play sports ( though i think im getting skinn-ier )
4. hang out with friends
5. spend time with my fam
6. call & chat
7. attend workshops
8. go kbox-ing
9. fall in love ( wahaha.. )
10. SHOP ( shopping also must kan cheong cos break time is limited )

and lastly..
B-L-O-G.

maybe..
i shall give this entry a theme :
say,
how to destroy yourself in 60 seconds.
or the fall of sihui.
or newly endangered species.

I can even appear in 'LOST'.

so lost now. ha. life is funny; contradicting.. fill in the blanks.

hai.

"somebody savveee meee.."

2005-08-16T12:35:00.000+08:00

Programme

Joy of birth
composed by Mommy

Childhood innocence
composed by Daddy

Education in D minor
composed by Jiemin

Growing up
composed by Sihui

The big decision
composed by Parents
arranged by Sihui

~ Interval ~

.....
...
.

Life's like a concert, filled with legatos and allegros; crescendos and diminuendos. I'm going through a ritard. right now, or should I say, an Interval..?

...

Once on my way to work, the bus stopped outside Paragon and I saw a concert band performing. Needless to say, inside my mind, were flashes of me during my secondary sch years in band; my individual electone lessons etc. Then i realised how contradicting I was feeling.. 'The life I wanted is just right beside me. Yet Im heading in another direction - to work.' I felt.. well, stupid is the word.

Working is definitely eating away all my time and draining my energy. But the funny thing is I'm enjoying work. Not exactly in terms of serving and everyday 'Square cut comes in 3 cuttings. There's slim, straight and bootcut..' or 'It's a stretchable material so it'll expand.' These are the few lines I mouth everyday that I can even say it while in dreamland. Havent repeat myself that much in my life thou.

So I was saying I enjoy my work. Minus "GIOGIO" armani & nasty, vicious, bittergourd-faced cashiers (men's dpt). Urgh. pui. orite too much side-track of hell. The heaven is actually my colleagues lah..

our chiobu: jolene, de guy who "cannot work w/o girls": jinghan, goofy hafidz, kanchiong spider: ah bao, cashier aunties' killer: mingxin, beloved mother liza, levis superstar aka j-man jason, max de slacker & the very "feeling" weijie. hahaha. they really liven up my life. working with mother liza is super fun. the 6 of us (liza, jason, max, weijie, hafidz, me) were one happy fam. our icon must be the bubble tea. haha. drink everday. i rmb on her last day, we went to swensens to makan after work. super enjoyable. all of us had only known each other for like less than a mth yet we were bonded so strongly.

working in levis made me went thru departures of many people. but im confident the fond memories we had will not be forgotten. its really hard to bid farewell to such nice ppl. but again, people come and go in your lives.

I guess everything happens for a reason. From my withdrawal from school, to befriending superb people at work. I wouldnt have asked for a better thing to happen at this stage of my life. aiya! all stages of my life lah.

.....

You don't know how appreciative I am for knowing you no matter at what point in time you've entered my life. Regardless whether we're primary or secondary friends, tuition friends, yamaha friends, band friends, music exchange friends, post-O-lvls' friends, poly friends, friends at work, I treasure you.. loh. (loh doesnt makes words seem mushy somehow. agree? haha.)

Aww.. Im getting all emo. Ha.

Actually I've always wanted to say this. I've been saying this in fact. Not aloud thou.

I dont want to defeat the purpose of the blog you see. haha. And who knows what'll happen tomorrow, in future right.

Wu lun zuo she me shi qing dou yao dui de qi zi ji ma. ;)

Oh ya today marks the 2-month anniversary i spent in levis. Another 4 more months to the end of my contract. (Donno want to complete not though.) And eventually to my music education. Im definitely looking forward to it.

I dont know what's the objective of me writing this entry but I anyhow "pom" since I haven wrote for a long long time.. haha.

Orite. Cya all soon. Miss me k? I haven ahhh-choooo for a long long time lei. (^,^)

2005-07-30T15:00:00.000+08:00

watch this space.

( psst. for the levis-siao only. )

*blink*

2005-06-22T12:26:00.000+08:00

OFF DAY!!
lalala~

today marks de 1st off day after working in levis for like 5 days? haha. yeah. working almost everyday except wednesday. and no. dont ask me for staff discount. dont have ah, i tell u. heheh.

but we're having sales soon and it's from this fri-sun. but on selected items only. 20% discount. not bad lah. everyone having sales except for levis this GSS. only these pathetic 3 days. so must come peng chang ah. dont say i neva tell u. =P

and to my surprise, although everyone's cutting down their price. psst. see mango and guess. levis die-die wanna sell at nett price, still got ppl buy. and quite alot. so many outlets in town, yet so many ppl buying. rich manx, singaporeans. budden quite a no. are tourists la. got serve taiwanese, japanese, americans, french, indonesians.. and i realised the importance of learning more than 2 languages. how i wish i noe a tat or two.

anyway, my outlet's staff quite friendly. especially jolene, jinghan & jenny. i hang out with jolene most often, during weekends. we even went shoe hunting during our break. fun right. the pros of working in town & having a 1-hr break.

so de bottom-line is, working in levis is still a pleasurable experience. now la. donno abt in future. cause overtime, things will change. from what they tell me. newbie wont kena alot of bad things.. yet. haha. orite. wish me luck.

and..
i miss robinsons' ppl manx. chen de & winnie, if ur reading this u noe wad i mean. haha. cause all of de crystal dpt ppl are de best colleagues i've ever worked with. even de supervisor is super duper mulitple NICE. *grinz*

by the way. thanks for everyone's concern. it meant alot.
wo de yi ke xin.. muack muack.. hehe.

going to watch Initial D preview with jessica in few hrs' time. FREE tix eh. muahahaha..

2005-06-13T22:01:00.000+08:00

energy rocks.

screams.

queing overnight.

autograph session.

hand shaking.

perspiring.

chasing.

waiting.

screaming.

home.

backache.

yawns.

smiles.

memorable weekend.

2005-06-04T23:30:00.000+08:00

if life was a graph,
mine is going down.
presto.

i have no idea what happened to the old sihui.
or de post-poly sihui.
i thought i became more cheerful & talkative & carefree
since the withdrawal from school.
but it seems like everything didnt turn out as well these days.
i get very upset over..
THE PAST
not being able to go to school anymore
not being competent music-wise
being misunderstood & sarcastically-remarked by parents
pimples
my hair
my sister
going outdoors

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

everytime i play in front of my music teacher, my mind will go blank and i cant even see which bar im at.
let alone my fingers. i just let them figure on its own.
and my feet will shiver like nobody's business whenever its on the pedals.

and how am i gonna teach in future like that?
and why cant i shut up and not complain.

im not even physically well these days.
whats wrong with my immune system.

and im not even able to turn to anyone for help.
unlike junwen.

i just wanna break down and cry, u know that?

2005-05-11T00:23:00.000+08:00

yesterday i cant slp.

not cause i was thinking of my super wonderful dream. *drools*

but all of yall are on ma mind.

all de memories.

i MISS all of yall.

maybe i just feel a lil lonely couping myself at home.

ha.

CREAM. i want kbox.

but. u see navigation bar.

how MANY ppl bday.

*looks at empty wallet*

and gotta attend concerts sumore.

it's BANKRUPT month.

donations are most welcomed.

2005-05-04T14:40:00.000+08:00

the long awaited news has come..

*drum rolls*

......

.....

....

...

..

im not accepted by singapore poly.

and no im not kidding lahs.

but its not the end of the world. (=

im actually happy that i didnt get in.

or i wont know that there're better opportunities waiting for me.

heh heh.

i was surfing around jobstreet.com when i saw "music instructors" wanted.

to my surprise i sort of fulfilled their requirements.

just that i need to sign a 5-year contract with them.

so after discussing with my parents, they thought i should give this a try.

cause can gain experiences in teaching music, and also earn $ to complete my grade at yamaha! one stone kill two birds. heh heh.

after that, when contract ends, when i achieve my grades for both theory & practical..

i'll join yamaha music academy to become a teacher. hopefully.

i learnt something amidst all these..

sometimes u neednt be so persistant to get what you want in life.

maybe God has other plans for you. *winks*

2005-04-21T01:07:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YIHUEY!

*lights fireworks*

*throws confetti*

<<<<<<< rewind <<<<<<<

loads of things been happening lately :

from filming meteor garden..

cleverwhite endorsement..

de "missing acute sihui" syndrome (MASS)..

mrs chou filing separation..

sly releasing album *points a gun at yer head* ( buy liao nots?! )

imd chalet happen..

night-walk scumming* session..

to singapore casino open..

*scumming [scar-me-ying] : [adj.] refers to guitaring and singing at pasir ris park playground at 4am sitting on filmsy nets.

. . . . .

life's been so unproductive.

i cant believe im gonna say im missing school life.

but YES i cant deny.

honestly sincerely seriously crossing my fingers that i can be offered a place..

>>>>>>> fast forward >>>>>>>

support Anderson Junior College in their upcoming concert

at the Esplanade Concert Hall

on

22nd May '05 Sunday

730pm

tickets @ $14 & $19

visit SISTIC to order your tickets now!

2005-03-10T23:30:00.000+08:00

reliving de happy moments, east.

wee~

went back to tp yesterday after a long period of decomposition at home. THANKS to miss FUNG nu ren. gimme suuccch an early morning call. last minute sumore. BUT. i appreciate it lahs. oways wake up too late to go tp. end up haven submit de withdrawal form.

so went cyber centre to meet her & saw loadsa ppl choking de printers wif paper. chionging for submission. i jus feel so relieved i don hafta get stuck in dat cycle, for now.

amongst dem was winnie. haha. nv been able to see her in tp at all until today. she still so nice to me. *aww*

den went to help cream wif her letter so that she could hopefully transfer to VSC. aye. poor thing. everytime she visits tommy quek for advise, she like gonna cry liddat. *gives cream a pat pat* for everything else, there's mastercard. er no. lasalle i mean. if sp don wan me, i hope lasalle gives me a chance. argh. dragon babies.

anyways we were super excited abt lasalle's courses actually. dey sent me a parcel & it made me wanna study their music courses so much.

hopefully, everything's gonna turn out just fine for us. don curse ok. esp don say things like we should still prepare for de worst even though it's practical. i mean. co'mon. we noe it. being a lil more encouraging wont kill ur cells, right?

orite. enuff of side tracks. de most pleasant thing was buying de egg sandwich at jupiter cafe! hahaha. munch munch.

den saw shiling at studio! de scene very classic. think in slow motion: runs, hugs, jumps, smile, pulled her ear, almost strangled me. can win oscar liao right?

ok. so grab alot of ppl to take photos. ha. here are they.

USE CLEVERWHITE!

insanity still prevails. heh heh.

did you know? priscilla's de first person i met & talked to on the 1st day i stepped into design school.

de twins. jing jing & ing ing.

oh & i wont forget wad GQ called me. argh. IM NOT A TRAITOR OK. *folds up her sleeves*

here come's de last photo of de month. don fall off yer chair.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahahahahahahahahaha.

2005-03-07T00:49:00.000+08:00

Cannot touch, cannot hold
Cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss,
Cannot have each other

Must be strong, and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do i not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?

Cannot dream, Cannot share,
Sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel

Must pretend it's over
Must be brave, and we must go on
Must not say what we've known all along

How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
How can I not love you?

Must be brave, and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've known all along

How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
How can I not love you when you are gone?

wo yi wei..
ni he wo yi yang..
you te bie de gan jue..

2005-02-21T23:13:00.000+08:00

i cant wait!

to participate in the Red Cross video competition.

eugene cream and i will be joining forces again to become open access! wee~

winners of this competition would have their masterpiece on tv mobile!

cool.

psst. here's us on lime magazine [feb]

2005-02-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

have you ever missed some stranger..?

i sound silly.

but that's what im feeling now.

*censored*
[im crazy on sat. so whatever WAS here IS gone now. stop laughing ur head off.]

just now, a gust of wind just blew past me.
it made me wonder..
since the wind knows no boundaries.
it must have been to alot of places.

have it ever swept passed the people whom we know?
the people whom we love?
the people whom we've lost touch with?
most importantly, people whom we miss?

can you imagine..
everytime a wind that sweeps pass a someone you miss,
it comes to you and "embraces" you de same way?

=x i sound crazy, don't i?

bahs.

i just love the wind.

(:

2005-02-11T12:18:00.000+08:00

upfront. getting real.

heyas.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

did yall enjoy visiting & stuffing ang pows like crazy? hahas.

apart from this happy occasion. im feeling rather sad. cos.. i realised how disgraceful i am. should have been given two tight slaps on da face. i'm still not responsible enough to handle my own things well. i owe thomas a lot and i mean a lot a lot of drawings. i didn't even bother to attend lessons. my attitude just sucks. big time. my mom was right. i didn't even put in any effort these months in poly. such a failure. i'm beginning to despise myself already.

and i didn't even bother to go for creative thinking lessons. just because i didn't allocate time to do the clock. should be punched right in da face.

im not fit to be in tds. at all. escaping is a cowardice act. im such a coward. dare not attend drawing classes. dare not show up cos i didn't complete my work. i HATE myself to the CORE. just what's wrong with ME?!

WAKE UP, SIHUI.
GET A LIFE!

2005-02-10T22:49:00.000+08:00

some photos my dad took during de first day of chinese new year.

my dad's side relatives. amongst them are ppl who pampered me a lot since i was young. (:

hahas. this is my tang jie & her boyfriend. girls who're in luv are jus different.

cousins here are older. my mother's side.

complimented every year for his gd looks. hahas. my biao ge. an eligible bachelor now.

this year's chinese new year lacks something, somehow. maybe it's de absence of certain relatives. but each year, we find ourselves stranded at some spots, donno what to say. used to be very close. drifted apart now. the feeling's weird la.

2005-02-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

something to announce..

no. not an engagement or marriage. *shivers* sorry ah. so "cold".

but something that will change my future. i am quitting school. no, don just stop here, read on. & don open ur eyes so wide la. lol.

i still wanna pursue music afterall. hope to teach music in future. at least do something related to music. dont wan to just secure a diploma and getting nowhere - i want. not saying dat imd won gimme gd job prospects. but my passion, my dream, my life cannot leave music an inch. sometimes, i go to my piano or electone and end up using up de time allocated for homework to practise. most of de time while working on music pieces, i find myself hoping that what im studying now is music.

my mind is oways in a whirl. my thoughts drive me crazy at times. rmb just a month or so ago, i wrote here dat i wanted to prove that i can excel in my course & vowed to work hard after de mtv competition? im thinking otherwise now. i can nv stick to certain thinkings for long i guess. but im sure it isnt de case for music.

after contemplating & disussing with cream & shiling, i realised imd isnt wad i exactly wanted as a career in future. though i do enjoy some subjects in sch. ive tot abt pursuing music after a disappointing Os result. in fact, this tot occured to me on many occasions. in de midst of de post-Os holidays, after 1st sem and now. i still want music badly.

something u'd ponder on is why have I chosen my present course initially then? my parents advised me to get a diploma even if i don have interest in most of de courses. i then selected one i preferred and had interest in & was super glad i actually passed de interview cos at least i don hafta study de limited courses within my aggregate range. but, only to find dat im not very happy with wad im doing.

i hope to be able to pass de auditions and enter NAFA/LaSalle this year. inspired by cream, to do wad she really wanted to, bcos of her very true theory "we only life live once".

i hope u do give me support in my decision. cos dat would mean a lot. (:

live your dreams and make it happen. are u living yours?

"u can gimme 365 days playing music but not doing design assignments."

2005-01-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

de colour says it all.

today's an unusually temperamental day.

i was actually feeling very bright n cheery for de first half of de day. nv felt like this for ages. definitely gonna miss dat kinda feeling. i suddenly felt like de weather today. somehow there's this undescribable nice feeling in de atmosphere. at least to me.

im enjoying every moment at orchard with such a fine weather. was there to help siewchan. was interviewed & videoed on some Singapore Idol stuff for her project. like how much I spent on sly. whether it has affected my schwrk n lifestyle. etc. farnie. i quite like her questions. cos i know how to ans i guess. haha. she was amazed at wad sly have "done" to me. haha. many are shocked la. some "controversies" arised when i changed my name to "mrs.sim" on friendster. oh well.

thereafter, went to meet cream to go shop for hairstyle mags. wanna change our hairstyle badly. haha. wanna look brand new b4 chi new yr. wan it a lil shorter. den i was telling her i was tempted to highlight a streak of pink thou i ever said i dislike ppl who dye their hair; & die-die won dye. waha. guess i lurrvvve pink too much. she wans to do dat too. haha. we'd end up looking twinnie shopping at orchard road manx. cos she suggested me keepin my fringe in da frnt like de old her. she wanna "revert" back to dat style too. aha. but dont think i'll highlight pink & have my fringe sticking out ba. but cant wait to have a "major" revamp.

den separated when she went to church service with yinluan; & me to jessica's. was shocked dat their service was so happening. live bands singing christian songs n all de youth so enthu. it was a wow-wow event for me. den got to know sth in de bible. cool. remove de veil to be closer to god. valuable lesson.

afterwhich met up with my parents to go for ours. a different experience. was more solemn. den i started crying.

cause i was distressed & extremely disappointed why de previously lively place have been "reduced" to today's state. when de speaker was talking, i cant help but cry for quite a long time. after i cleaned up my face & tot i was okay. i bit my lips n cried again.

i haven contributed my bit. i should have taken time to attend more often. i felt dat our youths are neglected & de participation rate is dropping to beyond imagination. my mom upon seeing me like dat comforted me. talked to me. made me alot better. thanks ma. it meant alot.

*give myself a squeeze on de shoulder*

everything's gonna be fine soon. i hope.

..why is it that, at the end of the day, the unpleasant things linger in your head more than anything else?..

*hooked to this song. [playing: ryan cabrera - true]

2004-12-31T16:19:00.000+08:00

Killer Waves in South-East Asia *deepest condolences*

"There is an atmosphere of grief besetting us after the enormous earthquake and ensuing tsunamis that wrecked havoc across south-east Asia and precipitated a colossal tragedy. Towers of waves swept lands and engulfed communities leaving barely recognizable remnants. Many swept into fathomless oceans and into oblivion.
I mourn for those who perished and even more for those bereaved and despondent. I pray for you to be infused with the strength and vigor to overcome the grief that this tragedy has betided on us all. While it is has no doubt impaled the festive ambience synonymous with this time of the year, hopefully we will emerge stronger as the pain subsides, as it must."

2004-12-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

(( review of 2oo4 ))

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
- singing at party world ktv till 5am in de morning!
- filming cum writing production stuff & sleeping for only like 1 or 2 hrs.
- kept working.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- i regret to say that, i didn't. i'd like to achieve de ones i didn't b4 listing more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- um nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
- no.

5. What countries did you visit?
- malaysia. for wedding.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
- responsibility
- being spend thrift
- punctuality
- de drive & motivation to excel in anything i do.

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- 10mar : crashed aj. hehe.
- 1dec : went to watch singapore idol grand finals live.
- 17dec : won de nkf mtv compeition & received an apple ibook laptop.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- experiencing de making of an mtv -> filming at orchard road -> winning an ibook.

9. What was your biggest failure/regret?
- failing a no. of subjects for de 1st sem
- suspending my music lesson for a few months

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- i suffered a few this year actually. de most memorable one was, when i slipped & fell down at my workplace with a knife in my hand. my back hurt for almost a month.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
- 2% skirt. love it.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
- cream. cos her expressions are all over her face. i like to see her tao zui (engrossed) in times when she's happy.

bought a jay figurine for her as xmas present. look at her. so happy. hahaha. c(:

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- xingjie. who else. why must he be so mean in class. boo. *thumbs-down*

14. Where did most of your money go?
- CLOTHES! i splurged alot this year. & phone bills after voting actively for donno how long.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- SLY
- being able to join de mtv workshop cum contest

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
- till i get over you by michelle branch
- qing tian by jay chou
- i am strong by north (our mtv song)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
i guess im happier last yr.

b) thinner or fatter?
fatter of course! i put on weight liaox! hehe.

c) richer or poorer?
alot poorer. spent too much. very broke now.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- community service
- play de electone

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- slacking
- working

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
- meet up alot of friends & tell them they mean alot to me. *check. done that.*

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
- yes. with SLY! & only SLY. im not joking. (;

22. How many one-night stands?
- none. dotx.

23. What was your favourite TV program?
- SINGAPORE IDOL. wee~

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- no. i don't like hating anyone.

25. What was the best book you read?
- five people you meet in heaven. though i havent quite read that bk in detail, de storyline captivated me.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- urm, playing alot of jay chou's songs (when i don't buy his album) thru just listening to the melody on cd.

27. What did you want and get?
- apple laptop(: oh & a new tv & christmas tree. *yays*

28. What did you want and not get?
- mp3 player & digital camera i guess.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
- the incredibles!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- a few frens celebrated for me at my house. finally, 17. thanks for de huge sylvester de cat. i can open an exhibition now.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
- going on a holiday with a bunch of friends i guess.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
- different & PINK(er) than de previous few years.

33. What kept you sane?
- God.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- hey isn't that obvious? *sihui's face reads: SYLVESTER SIM*

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
- is the opening of casinos in singapore considered one? i totally object to this idea.

36. Who did you miss?
- can i say everything & everyone at nsssb / aj / mi / tp..?

37. Who was the best new person you met?
- definitely yihuey. *grin*

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
- life is fragile. very unpredictable. cherish every day. live ur life, de best way u know how.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
- xiang "hui dao guo qu" (by jay chou)

2004-12-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

Change Alley

it's fun to see ppl's friendsters pictures. i've looked at quite a number of them just now & im awed by their changes - usually, by the way they look. extremely different from the 1st time u saw them. (i think it's de hair la) while only a minority didnt have big changes.

it's also a surprise to see ppl's status changing from "single" to "in a relationship". usually u don't hafta look at their profile or testimonials. just look at their photos.

somehow, more & more ppl around me are getting attached. & that leaves me quite alone sometimes when during special occasions like christmas, they can't join u. or u can just look at couples arnd orchard & de feeling of loneliness would soon overwhelm u. just like what cream & i felt after roaming arnd in town.

i've nv felt so lonely until de start of this sem. maybe it's bcos this sem, we are joined by ppl frm other courses & u don't see de usual imd faces arnd. felt like an alien. so out of place. of cos, de gd thing is we know more ppl. but usually ppl oredi have their own cliques liao. so, it's still very uneasy/uncomfy when im alone.

it's contradicting la. im a person who prefers solitude. at de same time, i don wanna be alone. so cream & i came to a conclusion. maybe i just need a person to just sit next to me & just keep quiet. i guess i very much enjoy that kinda peace & company. ha-ha. best of both worlds.

orite. it's late oredi. till nxt time. tata.

*p.s. merry christmas, sly. u (oways) rock!

2004-12-18T23:44:00.000+08:00

Fantabulous Friday
grr~ im super angry! my comp hanged. & whatever i typed for this entry's gone! argh.

anyways, i was just saying.. *blank* all right nvm. shall keep this short.

this is de 2nd week of semester 2. and i think my attitude has changed. for the better. think, punctuality & enthusiasm. (: i hope this goes on. i quite enjoy arts appreciation, marketing for designers, story telling.

arts appreciation: we'd be focusing on drama for de 1st half. *yays* though i felt quite alone since i don't know anyone in class since its made up of yr 2 & 3s. but after de "warm-up" which is catching [!], we weren't as uncomfy & shy oredi. thanks to de lecturer. we did some actions & sound activities. it's f-u-n!

marketing for designers: i like this subject! though its not very very useful to imd ppl. since its been introduced for vsc. but quite fun la. very informative. luckily i don feel so alone with cream joining my class. (:

story telling: failed this last sem. but this time, de lesson is more enjoyable with a new lecturer, who used to work in channel news asia. she shared with us some things when she worked at CNA during de 911 period. we also watched farenheit 9/11. it's super nice! must go buy/rent it ok! it's not de typical visuals u see on tv. neither is it what u can expect of a typical movie. it made "somebody" look like an idiot. & i guess 911 can be prevented if "somebody" read de proposal during his vacation. orite. don wanna be sued.

and for our nxt lesson, it'd be held at changi village. we're supposed to get inspirations by observing de ppl, thing etc dere. should be fun since de class sounded excited. (:

oh i havent attended lessons for life drawings yet. whoops. i actually skipped this lesson on friday. bcos i took part (together with cream & eugene) in a mtv workshop cum competition organised by apple & de children's medical fund (nkf)! *yays* i remembered how i jumped & jumped at hmv when de person called to congratulate me. cos only 10 entries would be selected for this workshop!

so we arrived at cathay cineleisure early at 845 for registration. it's a one-day workshop. we were first instructed on how to use de canon video cam. afterwhich we were given a song which we'd do a mtv on. den we went off to shoot visuals for 2 1/2 hrs. had loads of fun manx. (: den we came back for lunch, which is provided. it was at maestro bistro, de restaurant on 2nd level. cool orh? hehe. we had creamy mushroom spaghetti, brownie with ice-cream & lemon tea. *slurps*

after a very filling lunch, we went on to edit our video using de mac apple G5.

our grp's de noisiest among de others. hahax. and towards de end of de allocated time, we were quite frantic as we were still inserting de transitions. & dat stupid mouse just wouldnt co-operate. luckily we did all & handed in, on time. & as de judgings took place, we played our mtv for like 10+ times? haha. we LOVE our mtv!

then came de moment when they announce the winner who'd take away an apple ibook EACH.

& the winner is. . . . .

OPEN ACCESS!

*screams* we were awed. all de cameras were on us. *flashes* my legs turned into jelly as i couldn't balance when i wanted to stand up. de next moment i know was, de organiser congratulated us & handed us de big box with de laptop in it!

*hey don't rub ur eyes. YES. de laptop is in my house! *wee~* best bday cum xmas gift ever received!

& our mtv played on de screen. we were too elated to do anything. then came applauses. & more photo shoots.

we were given celebrity treatment as we were "escorted" to de restaurant again. for an interview with LIME magazine. [out in mid-jan. feb edition.] *gulps* can u believe it? after a few hrs, i thought i was still dreaming. *wide-eyed*

i initially wanted to participate in this competition to prove myself. to prove if im in a right course. to prove to my parents that my decision is right. so that they'd be proud of me, if i did. it's a dream come true. im so so glad.

i miss our mtv. i miss that friday. thanks guys. we're really de ultimate! [quoted from eugene] continue to work hard. to live our dreams. yours too. (:

2004-12-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

Idol Fever II
allow me to say sth b4 i begin : i aint blind. i aint tone-deaf. im neither a 15 yr old xiao meimei. nor do i harbour any likings for 5566 or F4 (at all). my fave aint rock. i dislike guys with de ah beng look. i don't really like ppl who dye their hair. HOWEVER. im a HUGE SLY fan. it's unexplanable why i feel so strong about sly. he's definitely not de conventional gd-looking guy-next-door, let alone, hunk. & he doesn't sing as well as jay chou.

maybe it's just bcos of his ability to strike a chord with de audience or better known in chinese as ren yuan. maybe it's his silly grin. loadsa maybes. i honestly don't know.

i don't rmb when i've started liking sylvester. but im very sure dat de 1st time i turned on de tv & watched his performance was during de wildcards. i rmbered clearly that i said (wide-eyed), "wow. this guy's exceptionally gd manx." but i didnt catch every episode until one fateful wednesday during de disco spectaculars.

though he didn't do as well as de others (cos he "zao xia" aka out-of-tune, after doing his "move"), i've decided to vote for de very first time. he, sylvester sim, captivated me.

he is SPECIAL, like what ken lim said during de wildcard specials. from then on, i've become one of de members in his "growing fan base". i remained faithful & kept my votes for him every week, & voted more whenever i feel that he is at a risk of being ousted from de competition/he'd did so well that i was so proud of him.

every results show, i nearly suffered a heart-attack whenever he isn't safe. & my poor neighbours had to listen to me scream in anxiety every week.

i never believed in buying concert tickets to watch a particular artiste perform @ de singapore indoor stadium. but sly made me want de grand finals ticket so much i had to bid on de online auctions on yahoo & ebay. in de end i bidded for 4 tickets (2 terrace; 2 premier) from both sites, meeting de ppl who auctioned de tickets with de risk of being cheated. (fortunately, i was blessed with real tix)

i forked out $240 for 2 terrace tickets & jessica lent me a $100 for de premier tix as i was almost broke. i suffered losses selling de terrace tix to my childhood fren & my sis so that i could pay a lil for my premier seats. now im so broke i can't even eat out. thank god im getting my salary from my aunt soon.

but i must say i didn't regret a bit. de atmosphere there was so high & i enjoyed every moment of it. including running to de front of de aisle & screamed at every chance i could when sly's performing. u should ask jessica for more details. i was de only one standing, waving my pink light-stick, screaming, whistling, singing with sly as i was rows behind all de fellow sly fans. i was surrounded by quite a no. of adults that covered their ears whenever i u-noe. im so crazy u probably don't think this is sihui, if u havent seen me for quite some time.

and i didn't even think i'd do a major revamp on this blog just for sly. i'd spent 1 & a 1/2 days doing this ok! editing; customising; resizing. sometimes b4 i slp every night, i think to myself if these things are worth my time & money. but who cares when it's de holidays right! & talking abt my bedroom. next time u visit my room, u wont even know it's mine. it's more like a sly shrine. i never liked to put posters of my idols like stefanie sun on de walls. everything's changed somehow. i think only sly can bring out de craziness in me.

but, everything's gotta end somehow. im just so glad that he's gotten a recording deal too. winning doesn't matter. oh well. at least to me.

tmr's de 2nd last chance to catch sly live, once more. (i very greedy. haha. 4 times aint enough. de last would be during de nation's countdown 2005 @ sentosa. anyone wanna cum along with me? $19 only)de nxt time takes forever. anticipating his chinese album!

de new term is starting come monday. but my schedule on mondays are empty! hehe. which means i can send siewmay & lixin off to de US, LA de day after tmr. ajc band is going there for an exchange & holiday. so envious manx. hope i'd have de chance in future. *cross my fingers*

oh ya. today i went for my aunt's childcare's annual concert @ orchid country club's grand ballroom. im in charge of de sound room. quite orites. then i saw mdm toh! my sec1 form teacher! & how small this world can be. her son's in my aunt's childcare.

den after that i went to meet diana to attend de JC bands gala concert. sorry for being late once again. like i said, i no $$ to eat so hafta eat @ home. somebody sponsor me pls. bcos of me, we missed de siewmay's performance. *guilty*

ppl kept shouting "encore" & we wanted to go home asap cos we're starving & exhuasted liaox. so b4 everyone's officially dismissed, we "escaped". afterwhich we saw weekiat & company escaping too. hahax. benjamin like forget me liao. i feel abita weird to be ignored by ppl i know. oh well. after makaning supper, we took mrt back & met weixiang & some other vj ppl. im glad we did a little catching up. long time never see each other & talk le. he's still de same. still so strict with his clarinet playing; still giving pep talks & constantly reminding me to go cnl. & i agreed la. partly bcos i think de xmas pieces are quite okay.

alright. b4 i stop writing (or rather, b4 u get tired of this long entry) i shall post some stupid pics of me & my new hairstyle for a gd laugh. (very not me i know)

before: just trimmed my hair & fringe short

after: played with my fringe & im a duplicate of old cream. someone slap me.

2004-11-14T21:36:00.000+08:00

Idol Fever

*screams* lost my voice liao. & im getting a lil sick oredi. budden nothing can spoil my high-spirits with Singapore Idol on. =D & after endless rotting hours since de beginning of de holidays, ive stepped out of de house & realised that.. holidays have nv been so fun..

6*nov
went to catch de idols at cineleisure. *screams* SLY just rocks!

he was in a leather jacket dat day. cool orh!

7*nov
nsssb's performance at istana park.

& de saf military band march past outside de istana.

a lil catching up with diana & lixin. been aeons since we last talked.

oh & not forgetting de shirt i bought for eugene, as his belated present.

9*nov
went out with jessica. been ages since i last saw her too. went shopping in town. she also accompanied me to look for sylvester de cat. hehe. but dint managed to buy it arnd dat area. eventually got it at causeway point. it was de last one in all mini toons. *phew* anyways she bought me a white tee i like at esprit, as my early bday cum xmas present. =D

10*nov
met up with cream & shiling for a ktv session at party world.

enjoyed it very very much. den went to s.h.e wo shou hui. hebe very pretty orh.

11*nov
went to mediacorp to watch Singapore Idol Live!! *screams* thanks to jessica! cos her uncle works that evening. hehe.

it was worth it! since sly sang jay chou's an jing! & we saw MAIA!

so we rushed forward to have a picture with her!

since de telecast starts at 830pm, we had an interaction session with de idols for half an hr. *yays* sly's "wassup" was cool! & it really made me jealous when de warm-up host chose several fans up on stage & talked to de idols. some even hugged sly!! YES! HUG! URGH!

wad's crazier was.. we actually went to de radio gate to wait for de idols.. sly's van couldn't move one bit at all cos all de fans leaned against de vehicle. it was SCARY! jessica managed to take a couple of photos anyways.

12*nov

de results show. watched that at home. my heartbeat raced as gurmit announced sly & daphne unsafe. especially when he said: "wad ken lim said has been proven." ken lim said dat fans should vote consistently to keep their idols in de comp. & given sly's huge fan base, this shouldn't be happening. i really prayed very hard that instant. & when gurmit said sylvester is safe, i jumped & jumped & landed on de floor in tears. was crazy i know. just couldn't help it. SLY FANS, PLEASE VOTE OK! MORE MORE MORE! really scare de hell out of me manx.

13*nov
went to ps yesterday to catch de idols again! despite de hot sun during noon time, i waited & waited. finally got a chance to stand just behind de barrier thingy. im so so glad dat sly saw de black signboard i did for him (de one im holding in de pic above) & lucky siewmay. she got de singapore idol cap which was thrown by one of de idols on de stage. very unfortunately, we werent able to get their autographs & picture. their schedule too packed le. *boo*

den met up with diana & lixin to go coasta sands chalet for janice's 21st bday party. afterwhich, we went to ktv at party world to sing till 4am. hahaha. madded. reached home at 7am this morning. but it was very very fun as well. now im really voiceless. all de screaming for idol events; de singing at ktv. *faintx*

with such intense activities, wuld u wanna go back to school? hahax.

2004-10-29T23:49:00.000+08:00

*gan dongx*
reported to work this morning @ de childcare.. not to teach but to do accounts for my aunt's 3 childcare centres.. she's really capable.. *envious*

anyways, it was again, pleasurable to look at de kids i played with last yr smiling so sweetly at me from their classroom as i punch de calculators with frustrations.. im bad @ anythin related to numbers.. hahx.. but i managed to complete 2 branches' accounts in 3 days..

i guess i'd put on weight if i continue to work at de childcare.. de teachers & aunty ling (de chef) are very very nice ppl.. dey oways ask if i've had my lunch.. but im not used to havin lunch @ 12 or 1pm u see.. so, as i drag my lunch-time while slogging.. dey kept giving me deserts, cakes etc to ensure i don starve.. dey very cute lo.. every 15-30 mins will ask if im hungry.. hahax.. so pampered..

today, my aunt approached me & asked if im doing well in sch.. telling me dat she'd sponsor my tuition fees if i take diploma in early childhood & open another branch for me to supervise.. my eyes were filled with tears when she told me dat she has oways treated my like her own daughter.. surprised too..

i rmbered she used to bring me to alot of places (all de local attractions); her ex-company's family days & christmas parties.. she even rmbered to give me a present on my birthdays when i was young.. was extremely close to her then.. i was even mistakened for her daughter, as we looked a little alike i guess..

& now, she wants to groom me.. she told me dat.. ultimately, we wuld want to have a stable income.. she said dat interests are impt as well & it's of cos best when u can have de best of both worlds - making use of ur interest as a source of income.. but im not sure bout dat..

so, now i've a tough decision to make.. shuld i end this course of mine for sth which my parents & my aunt believed to b de best for me? cos even i, am beginning to wonder if im capable of becoming anything dat is related to my course in future..
*doubts*

2004-10-28T11:48:00.000+08:00

..where insanity rules..
yesterday night was de 1st time cream shiling & myself talked on msn.. shiling finally registered for an email add with hotmail for cream's sake.. since she's presently in hongkong.. miss her manx..

ah~ share with yall de photos we took with de courtesy of shiling's digi cam (or rather de sponsorship of her bf *ahahx*) at esplanade early tis month..

*megawatt-smile* looked super enthu, like we've nv been thru our childhood..

aww~

"starry starry night" now showing in theatres..

datx shiling & myself

cream & muah

cream jus arrived from fairyland.. look @ de smoke..

*ahahx* so retarded.. fancy tickling a lion..

volkswagen, yall lookin' for free endorser?

*shuangx* hehe..

p.s. de securities soon came after we posed with de vw beetle.. *blushes*

.....

singapore idols tonight's gr8! kudos to sylvester! keep votin'!

how sly~ hahax (photo courtesy of my 7250)
anyhow (frantically) click "capture" throughout his peformance (& after) luckily tis turned out fine *phews*

2004-10-27T01:26:00.000+08:00
peek @ my 7250 photo gallery
jus wanted to put some picx dat i took wif my close pals in tp.. (",)

sitting bside me ish shiling *applause*

standing nxt to me ish cream *applause*

slacking together with me ish katherine *applause*

de gr8 cookie (monster) & cream.. *slurps*

2004-10-26T23:21:00.000+08:00
Bloggers are essentially lonely people..

i've been wanting to blog recently.. my notebk is finally free from viruses *yays* & so, im finally back cyber-lly.. but dere's so much dat happened, during my absence online.. too much.. donno where to start.. or rather, don wish to recall.. hmm.. not dat all incidents are bad or sth.. mayb it's jus dat dey arent very significant matters.. oh well..

so, i've decided to jus share with all of u an article i've come across on Streats today, by writer, Janice Wong who oso has a blog herself. cos i realised dat there're quite alot of discussions on blogs in de media nowadays.. if u've watched get rea! & so on.. niwaes her article's called "a window to my life" on de In Transit section..

Last week, I called an award-winning entrepreneur for an interview and was startled when the stranger told me over the phone: "Your birthday is coming, right?" He explained that he has been following my blog. "Oh," I said, reminded that I have an online journal accessible by the public.

The word "blog" is short for the term "web log", coined in 1998 by American Jorn Barger who pioneered web pages where a "blogger" logs interesting pages he or she has read. Blogs have since evolved from collections of favourite links to diaries of sorts. Some chronical personal milestones or share photos with friends around the world.

Blogs have been hailed as a new genre of media, a real-time pulpit where anybody can report on news, dicourse on politics and expound on policies.Former US president Bill Clinton has one; so does local movie director Jack Neo.

I wanted my own piece of virtual real estate for various reasons. It gives me more freedom than writing for a national daily where I have to report to an editor and be accountable to readers. The journal is all mine. I can post totally boring entries of any length; I can complain ad nauseam using whatever foul language I fancy. I can even shut it down. I don't have to consider: Would people want to read this? Can I meet the deadline? Would the editor cut the best bits out? Some entries are half-written In Transit columns which I abandoned because I realised they were too whimsical, yet not that lousy that they have to be incinerated.

Some people criticise such blogs - as opposed to those championing a cause - as too indulgent or narcissistic. They are missing the point. Blogs by definition, are about free-self expression. *skipped a few parts*

I could always write my thoughts on a notepad and keep it in my drawer. Why make my journal public? Firstly, it's the trendy thing to do for young people. Technorati.com, an authority on blogs, currently monitors more than four million blogs. In Singapore, there are at least 14,000 bloggers, mostly students.
Secondly, I guess it satisfies a visceral yearning in me to present the complete uncensored Janice Wong. To most people, she is a girl full of life, laughter and levity.

But in the quiet of the night, her face illuminated only by her computer screen, she retreats to a place where even God can't reach her, and faces her demons. This side if her is very lost, gripped easily by nihilism and sometimes contemplates ending the meaninglessness of it all.

She often types with tears streaming down her face. Seeing her chaotic thoughts distilled into neat computer text is cathartic and validates that side of her.
She doesn't demand that her friends visit her website regularly. Neither does she know exactly how many readers she has, but she believes illogically that among them is someone who understands, someone who truly cares.

Bloggers are essentially lonely people.

2004-08-06T11:17:00.000+08:00
wad's wrong with me?
whatever is wrong with me isn't right. urgh. duh. how do i know? well, here are the following symptoms:-
- splurge alot. & i mean ALOT.
- moodiness
- less determined
- less ambitious
- less focus'ed'
- loss of appetite
- easily frustrated
- no more blogging for a month?! (crazy! cos i LOVE to blog)
ultimately, wad im trying to say is.. i've become someone i don't know. & it IS horrifying.

everything has changed eversince i entered poly. why? i don't know. yes i previously wrote dat im loving poly life during my 1st wk. & hey it's de 1st wk ma. everything can change for de following weeks. i realised dat i feel demoralised easily. especially during visual literacy classes, where we combine class with some seniors (dey picked our subject as an elective) & i must say some of dem are very impressive. de most stressful thing is when de lecturer comment. i know it's gd to learn from criticisms. but, it was really disheartening when u hear de way she says things. *aye*

& my drawing fundamentals class was (& still is) a nightmare. i know nuts about technical drawings etc. i am struggling. even when i borrow books from de library re: perspective drawings, i still don't understand. & i do ask de lecturer on certain stuff but it was again, disheartening to see de facial expressions he gave. i feel like a total failure. i AM de weakest link bcos im de only one who didn't pass his test.

everything is so wrong.

i thought i should cherish my life more after de close encounter with death last thursday. yes, i might have died. i thought GOD is giving me another chance to find back myself. & i really thank GOD i didn't bid farewell dat instant. after de trauma, i sms'ed' junwen cos we haven talked for a month due to our last quarrel on my sch. sounds stupid i know. anyways, im glad i started to talk to him first (cos usually i don't in such cases) haha.

alwight. i need to go off already. im using de comp in my multimedia class cos im frustrated wif my notebk. *yawn* im so tired. i need my bed (which is an hour away from here) badly.

p.s. thanks to ppl who are concerned about my blog. don worry. i did a spring cleaning to get rid of de spiderwebs already. =]

2004-06-25T23:02:00.000+08:00
im glad im in tp..
"how's ur 1st wk in tp?" *sihui flashes de mc donalds slogan* : i'm lovin' it!

today my lecturer showed us some work done by tp's students & i must say, im really impressed. he explained to us de difference between nyp's & ours. nyp touches more on de technical skills rather than de output, which is clearly shown by their work on tv mobile. whereas, we are more to de 'communicative artist' side where our priority isn't just de technical skills. i mean, everyone can learn & master such skills. we don just pay our lecturers to provide wad we can learn from de text.

anyways, here's wad my lecturer told us (which i've a strong opinion on)..

i think it happened recently la.. well, all de polytechnics came together for this competition & dey were supposed to design a website on 'saving the animals' (or sth liddat). everyone except tp had their website done with animal graphics. we had ours with rangers - ppl who do a part in saving de animals. & guess wad? de judges said dat, to fulfill de given theme, we should place animal graphics instead of rangers, so tp's 'bumped-out'. don't u think most of us in sg sticked too closely to de textbk-based system? is creativity, or rather coming up with sth different but of relatance to de particular subject so wrong? i personally don't think so. that is why tp has been winning more awards overseas simply bcos we've given up on local competitions.

he hope dat we could change this kinda "phenomenon" in sg. & i think we seriously should.
.....

i didn't noe dat we could rent a cart for $10 per day to do biz in sch. dat sounds cool. & my classmate is intending to open one. i'd love to, but i doubt i have de time since im juggling sch work & my music lesson & my part-time work, which im probably quitting soon.

oh & this wk's de CCA display period. this particular CCA really interest me: pace-setters. they are ambassadors of TP & dey play host to distinguished guest & inernational students. basically just portray de sch's image. dey look so smart in their blazer n all. anyways it'd be gd if i could join such a unique CCA since i can definitely learn alot of public relations skills which is essential in every biz. but de scary thing is u hafta talk to ministers during certain occasions. well im still considering la..
.....

i met up with yihuey today.. finally! it was nice seeing her again. we just catch up a lil here & dere. she looked so tired & stressed. i hope all is well for all JC ppl.. take care hoh ppl..
anyways im glad she liked de guess watch. now, nobody will tease her for having an 'ah-ma' watch. hehe.
.....
"don't take life so seriously, we won't get out of it alive anyways. have fun in everything u do."

2004-06-23T21:32:00.000+08:00
for designers by designers..
sihui screams:"TP DESIGN SCH BANGS*!" *lol* dat explains de 4 days' orientation dat were organised for us, freshies.. doesn't it?

*we screamed alot of "bang bang bang" during this orientation manz. alright enough of dat. too much said is unhealthy for de mind. haha. i think only de design sch ppl knows wad im saying. pls bear with it ppl.

16[JuN]*WeDnEsDaY
basically, de 1st day's quite boring cos we hafta que for like 3 1/2 hrs to get our registration stuff done with. then we were given a talk by de director of design sch. it's a really long one.. & most ppl didn't really like him since he's too frank & unsensitive. but i tot he was quite ok except dat i felt pressurised somehow. cos if i rmb correctly, he said sth like, "..if u don't get the 'best of show', u r nothing.." & other stuff. niwaes, it really amazes me when he said dat tp achieved 3 out of 5 'best of show' nationally. *applause*

alrights.. apart from de above.. after having lunch, we were divided into groups which had de names of fonts & mine was: triplex. played some games in de sports complex; given a nice red tee specially designed by de organising committee; learnt a dance choreographed by de design students themselves which is different from other sch's cos theirs was tp's dance. everything ended @ arnd 730. *beat*

17[JuN]*tHuRsDaY*
started de day with some talks by some organisations in de sch abt CCAs, de 11-storeys high library etc. afterwhich, we watched videos on their previous yrs' orientation; tp's 'mini-clash'(or crash. i donno.) where all de schools come together to compete in cheers etc. & DESIGN SCHOOL was crowned as the champion! *yays* it really showed us de strong bonds they have as a school. then, we proceeded for our outdoor games. *drained*

18[JuN]*fRiDaY
de yawny expressions were swept off from our faces by a few ppl from de 'westside' (we were divided into eastside & westside with 5 grps in each LT). dey came over to get things de organisers wanted (sth like a scavenger hunt) but dey've to do any forfeit in order to get those items dey want. & dat's when de gross part came in. shan't elaborate much so dat we do not corrupt de under-18 minds.. hehe. anyways, i was shocked to know dat we've such daring ppl in de sch.
next, we had a session with our lecturers & i was quite glad dey're de fun-fun types. haha. we were showed a dvd on 'stomp', a music grp whereby dey used different materials which can be seen in our daily lives to make wonderful music. i guess dey were trying to tell us their vision of de design school.. which is to be innovative. & i wouldn't 4get another one: purpose-driven.

then came our turn to come up with our own music, or rather noise by banging, clanging, beating de materials we've brought.

afterwhich was a bonding session with our GLs(group leaders). but boon cheong brought us to 1 of de classrooms to let us practice our cheers for de mini-clash/crash. thanks to issac. he put in alot of effort in changing de lyrics of spongebob, barney songs etc. & we successfully did de 2 min long cheer excellently which made our GLs proud of us. dey smiled throughout so i assume dey are la. haha.

den everyone changed into their casual outfits & prepared for de freshies' nite where de main comm did a fashion show; de GLs did a short play & de freshies sent couples from each grp to do a dare on stage to compete for mr n ms freshie & mr n ms personality. & de gross stuff came again.. all de stripping & stuff.. urgh.

de day ended crazily cuz dey had a mass dance which started arnd 10pm which i didn't stay since i live so far away. & most imptantly im too exhausted.

19[JuN]*SaTuRdAY
had buffet for breakfast (tim sum, beehoon, pastry) at tp's convention centre & off we went for de ever-so-boring talks by 3 lecturers, with de yr 2s & 3s. & we received another tee designed by de organising committee, in pink colour! *thumbs up* den we had a game which is related to advertising. some of de products are gross la.
after dat we had an "amazing race" outside tp cuz dey wanted us to get to noe our surroundings well so dat if, for e.g. de canteens are closed or when we need sth urgently, we noe where to look for it. we disgraced ourselves by doing forfeits b4 we can actually get our clues & puzzles. why is it disgraceful? cos we were scolded by a woman since we were supposed to sing an extremely loud bday song for de game master on de 4th floor of this particular, very suay block.
after dat, was de mini-clash/crash. we did our cheer superbly & won de cheer competition. wee~
next was de 10 minutes long telematch where we hafta turn rounds; skip; make water-bombs & dress up our GL. den came de exciting part where de eastside & westside attacks each other's GLs to make dem wet & also to defend our own to ensure dat dey don kana. alas, eastside won de battle cuz westside's completely drenched.
i tot our grp's more bonded on de last day when doing de cheer & defending de water-bombs as we hugged each other to surround boon cheong so dat he don get wet. dat kind of bonding.. was undescribable.
anyways, we danced design sch's very own dance & tp's on de hockey pitch. our grp, triplex, even came together to do de whoosh thingy.. u noe.. where u put ur hands together & scream dat kinda thing?
dat's not de end..
::finale::
announcing of de top 3 groups; best freshie etc. doing our traditional cheer.. "eh mm sup eh mm sup mm sup mm sup eh, hey!" *too carried-away* & all of us were caught unaware when all de yr2s poured water+flour onto all of de yr1s from upstairs. yes, we ARE indoors. & yes, we ARE drenched from head to toe. felt so sick after that. but most imptantly we had lotsa lotsa fun. best orientation dat i've come across so far. many thanks to de organising committee for making de orientation such an enjoyable & memorable one. *applause*
i was too tired & listless dat day dat i fell down on my way out of tp. actually de prob is, i was smsing on my way down de stairs. de next thing i know is, i sprained my heel. luckily there were 3 very nice girls who helped me get de medic & flagged a cab for me to get home safely. forgot to ask for their names but, a million thanks for ur help. really appreciate it. =]

alrights.. my eye lids are too heavy.. i've got lectures tmr.. *yawnz* till nxt time..

2004-05-29T10:29:00.000+08:00
F.R.I.E.N.D.S
went to vj's concert yesterday. it was without a question, a fantabulous one. but, junwen & i felt that they're rather individualistic. somehow, de band doesn't sound together, no doubt their skills are remarkably gd. diana & i thought that aj sounded better as a band.. bcos they sounded more.. urm.. together. dont know yall get what i mean or not. anyways, each has its own gd. went to mj's on monday as well. came after de interval cos of my music lesson. their repertoire was not bad esp. de jap show:under one roof theme. (if im not wrong) but i thought that they sounded a little messy.

thought i've attended too many concerts this may. that's de bad thing when all ur friends are "dispersed" to too many JCs. *lol* but it's a wonder how our friendships can be maintained for so long, being so close in a few occasions, bcos of one exchange that lasted only for a few days.

it all started with de passion for music.. with having de same conductor.. to.. de love of music making as a band.. >>fast forward mode>> & what we are today. some of us have even become very gd friends.. studied for Os together; share information on music skills; gave support to each other for our SYFs/concerts; celebrate birthdays; played basketball & so on.. whenever i think of this, it'd always have this "wow" effect. kinda incredible.

u see.. other than the people we came across during de 1st exchange, we had a 2nd one in a yr's time. & we knew more people whom we've missed out during de 1st. & dat's not de end.. cos we knew even more ppl thru de ppl whom we already knew.. & surprisingly it's also de ppl whom we've missed in de 1st exchange. are u confused already? *lol*

i really thank god for giving me this opportunity to go through this amazing "cycle".

this thought dawned on me yesterday while im at de vj concert. inspiring, eh? *giggles*

[sihui's 16 yrs & 5 months old!]

2004-05-28T23:30:00.000+08:00
have u ever yearned for sth since u're young?
I've always yearned for a brother. an elder one. my mom told me i loved to call "kor kor". but too bad.. im de eldest. *sniff sniff*

i remembered i've been quite close to my cousin at a tender age. he's a decade older than me if im not wrong. i regarded him as a brother then. but, as we grew older, we didn't quite keep in touch as often, due to hectic school work. now, we're like strangers.

don't have a particular reason why i've always longed for a kor. maybe bcos most of my friends had a brother, who's always protective over them which made me so envious. maybe. i don't know.

therefore, when eric acknowledged me as a sister in some very weird circumstances in de band room after de tune-in concert (only bcos we shared de same "parents" at aj), we became siblings. *lol*

last friday when he visited me at robinsons (as i was working), i was really surprised & gan dong.. though he only happened to be arnd city hall. *thanks to jessica, diana, zhenyun & edmund for visiting too!
-----
I became an "illegal immigrant" in aj again. cos i met kor in school to pass him his bday present. glad to be able to see some familiar faces again.. though i think that de atmosphere was a little awkward. but anyways, he was shocked to receive de watch. b4 u get de wrong idea (& to those who have), i think i've to clarify sth: it's bcos i just received my pay & since we wouldn't be seeing much of each other cos NS is like 2 1/2 yrs? so i've decided to get him a nice watch. moreover, he's a really nice brother. =] if de above still doesn't convince u, den i think there's nth more i can do le.

i'm amused at what a watch can do..

2004-05-19T14:02:00.000+08:00
a rollercoaster week..
everything's in a rather fast & crazy pace these few days. feel so *worn-out*. sometimes, i wonder why i should work so hard..

suffered from a few blisters here n there bcos of the stupid boxes i had to handle in my new department (in-store). the 5 days there were horribly terrible -- i was scolded by a customer. argh. she wanted to try out a no. of shoes in different colours & materials, so u can imagine how i have to climb high & low to search for the different article numbers in the storeroom, getting her 4 different sizes when ppl usually try on 2 sizes. i mean, how can ur shoes' sizes vary so much?! bcos of that, i was told to keep all the unwanted shoes into the boxes. to ensure that i don't mix them up in the wrong boxes (as all the shoes are scattered across the floor), i checked one by one. & that made her impatient. she began to comment that i'm getting myself all confused. of cos, i am! how would i have the the time to keep them when she wanted me to go look for her shoes in the storeroom. then, i began to reach forward to a pair of shoes which obviously had 2 different sizes in front of her (so that i can change them). then she started to scream at me, "don't touch my shoes! i told u that those that i placed here is what i wanted! don't touch them!" & she began to tell the other customers sitting beside her, how bad my service was. then a perm. staff came & attend to her. on top of that, she complained that i didn't tell her that we didn't have a particular size which i repeatedly told her thrice. bcos i couldn't take it anymore, i stacked all de boxes & walked into the storeroom. the next thing everyone know was.. i burst into tears.

i was quite glad that all the perm. staff comforted & stood by me. very grateful for that. i seriously hope that i won't encounter the same thing again.

another tearful experience was after the aj concert. yes, i went! i skived from the last few hrs of work cos i know i wouldn't have the mood to work at all when everyone's enjoying themselves. but at hindsight, mayb it was best that i didn't turn up. the aj atmosphere was too unbearable. afterall, it's my dream college. well, yes.. i haven't get over it. but many thanks to all my friends for ur encouragement.. it will take some time la..

anyways, the band's performance was awesome! *applauses* they definitely improved alot from the last time i went to play. it was a very enjoyable & lively concert due to their last piece where they acted a skit & danced. the last part where the co & band combined for 2 pieces was an eye-opening one.

was quite disappointed that i wasn't able to see my "family" & friends from aj face to face to have a quick chat or something as they had to rush back to school.
--
went to east coast yesterday. accompanied diana as she wanted some peace & quiet bcos there's sth troubling her. everything didn't go as well for her, siewmay & myself lately. i hope that we'll get well soon.
--
had a "carpenters-music-marathon" before i came here to blog. was quite satisfied with myself. my exams are nearing. pray hard for me, ya?

2004-05-06T14:29:00.000+08:00
extreme exhaustion
another drained experience. i wake up earlier than others.. go home later than others.. (wake up at 7; reach home at 12+) since i live the furthest. nevertheless, it's an extremely happy one.

we can be considered the most dangerous/expensive of all departments in robinsons. cos we'd be handling crystals & it's a very well-known one -- bohemia, from the czech republic. we've had diehard fans of theirs amongst the customers. also met some very rich customers who buys crystals like.. *speechless* some give tips to the staff who helped to bring their shopping bags to their car. one of our staff happily got it & treated us to a bar of chocolate each (there're 11 of us).

my department's really bonded. we're like one family. whenever we need help in finding the different crystals, we'd aid one another, since all the boxes aren't coded & we memorise the specific areas. & mind u.. there're 24 tables. on top of dat, when there's no customers (esp on wkdays' nights), we'd gather & chat. our supervisors are the best too. all 4 of them can joke around with us.. treat us chocolates/breakfast/lunch/dinner. they even allow some of us to go to bedok to pack the meals since the food sold at expo not that appealing i guess.

another happy thing is.. junwen visited me.. so gan dong.. *sniff sniff* we chatted & ate some snacks during my lunch break. i was actually late by 15 mins when i punched my card. well.. nvm la.. enjoyed his company. thankew!

the last day was the most tiring, though the hours were shorter. we were supposed to pack all the crystals into pallets. the counting.. the wrapping.. the moving.. *sigh* i'm glad it's over. we took only 8hours to finish.. so we didn't have to come back the next day.

can't wait to see annette, winnie, juana, arina, aishah, ikwan, chen de, sze keong, rondy, andi again next week (if possible). cos we'd be watching a movie together. really enjoyed working with them. =]

2004-04-25T11:34:00.000+08:00
suffering from low bat..
yesterday was my last day working at iora wardrobe. *mixed-feelings* don't know if i should be glad or sad. i did learnt alot of fashion boutique's practices; customer services knowledge, for the past 2 weeks at 4 of their outlets. (why 2 weeks? bcos i was asked to join them as a part-timer after the promotional season at whitesands.)

apart from the above, i came across nice & not-so-nice people amongst the staff. i felt that it is indeed a not-so-good experience working with some "foreign talents ". maybe because i find them not-so-friendly i guess.

i couldn't help but wonder, why is there a huge difference in the way they treat their staff in the different branches. suntec was a.. not-so-happy one for me. whereas, wisma atria was an extremely =] one. anyways, what i gained the most (physically) is.. the ability to stand for long hours.. since i'm trained for these 2 weeks by standing around 11 hours. i think it'd be an advantage for me in the coming weeks, when i'd be working at robinsons as a sales associate. hardworking, eh? *lol*

i've to sacrifice certain things on my schedule bcos of the robinsons job -- yamaha lessons/ aj concert etc. fortunately my teacher is thoughtful enough to give me individual lessons at her house for the coming month. *grateful*
regarding the concert, to all my friends performing.. i'm sorry.. all the best anyways!

& congrats to bowen for clinching a gold medal once again! an impressive display i'd say. my friends & i agreed that the formation is there.. the sound too (which i think is better than any other bands) but neatness in marching may have to be improved to be able to win tk. ganbatte for the grand finals! *to my sis's dm, i was kinda surprised u came across my website & blog. do leave a note on my tag board. =]

i can't wait for tomorrow to begin.. it's time to splurge a little after working for this long. *yays* of cos i know i should save. afterall, i'm spending on useful things. (",) on top of that, i'd be meeting up with diana & siewmay for a movie.

& talking abt school.. my mind's made up.. i'm going to tp. returned the enrollment package already. actually i should thank my neighbour for "delivering" it there cos he's tp's lecturer. such a coincidence. his wife is nyp's lecturer. so coincidentally it's the 2 polytechnics that i've been enrolled in.*gulpz*

anyways, to those who haven't been for a check-up (esp nyp students).. be prepared for a disgusting day.. & be prepared to "hug" the x-ray machine.. gd lucks.. *lol*

2004-04-08T11:03:00.000+08:00
guess what?
i'm selected! *yays* starting work on monday. at least the time i spent travelling from one end of singapore to the other end didn't go to waste. i really felt like throwing up. such a long journey though our country is small. can't imagine how i'd survive if i go to tp.

anyways, i was kind of astonished by my performance. as in, how i answered one of her questions. my brains were working pretty fast. *phew* actually i felt kinda worried after stepping out of the boutique. the real thing is on monday. i better do a good job in delivering my "speech" to psycho customers to buy more. or my efforts during the interview would come to waste. & i won't forgive myself. though this job is only for a week, i really hope that the 7 days there would be a happy & rewarding one.

oh & i went to robinsons for interview too. since they need staff at the expo & centrepoint & raffles city mall, & it's one week after the job at the boutique. the human resource staff there are quite friendly & approachable. well except for the security guard. haha. hopefully i'd be shortlisted. i really look forward to working in a totally new environment. but i'm feeling quite disappointed cos i won't be able to attend ajc's concert. i've to work till 11pm.

american idol really gave me a shock of my life. how can jasmine trias be in the bottom 3?! she sang "don't let the sun goes down on me" quite well. fortunately she's safe. john stevens also gave me a heart attack yesterday night. the song simply doesn't suit him. thank god he's still in the competition. anyways, "the OC" is quite nice too.

__sihui, out__

2004-04-07T11:51:00.000+08:00
what's your greatest disappointment in life?
sihui answers: not being able to achieve your aims, your goals, your dreams.

at hindsight, i realised that im just a failure. whatever the dreams i had in mind in the beginning seems to be.. completely shattered in the end. it's like preparing a shopping list but coming home empty-handed after spending long hours searching for it outside. or like a field with no harvests after working on it for a year.

somehow the failures i encountered piles up inside from the very beginning. it's like suddenly having found an old diary under your pillow, which u sleep on every night. u know everything has passed. they're over. but sometimes, it's easy to see it all coming back to haunt you.

maybe too long a break from school makes u think too much. apparently, i've too much time alone. haven't found a job. no replies from the owner of cathay & far east. i guess i wasn't selected. i'm going for interviews again, tomorrow. hopefully one of them or both of them accepts me, since both are short-term jobs & the dates allocated doesn't clash. i know i shouldn't worry that they don't hire me since i've already been offered a job at my aunt's childcare. but, i just want to gain experiences in the sales field i guess. & i'm tired of admin stuff. (i know i shouldn't be picky, but can't i choose something which i enjoy & benefits me at the same time?) i hate to sit in a corner from 9-5, which explains why i sleep & wake at irregular hours & why i choose interactive media design (IMD). cos if i work in media industries, i'd have a different project or routine everyday & every year. unlike accounting. well, that's only part of the reason for choosing IMD.

i think i've sort of made up my mind. i think i'm going to temasek poly. i've even thought of opening a design-related shop, doing something different, something no one has ever done in singapore, yet. (besides, i think my chances are rather slim for the appeal to nyp's business management course) but upon thinking of this decision, the thought of not being able to study a degree in media design in singapore really.. makes me sian diao. i don't know. i shall wait & see. i can't believe i'd be receiving my enrollment package from tp soon. why is nyp so inefficient? i heard everyone hasn't got theirs, wheareas other polys are already receiving the replies of the package from their prospective students.

anyways, i must say i MISS everyone!! especially yihuey, zhixuan, nuraini.. don't know how u gurls are doing.. hope to see yall next week.. cos i've planned to celebrate yihuey's bday for her.. wEeEe~ i've even bought her an extremely nice prezzie. recently, i can't help but think of the fun days we spend in MI. hope yall miss me too. *lol*

& i've gotta apologise to 4EB for not being able to join yall for the chalet. not that i wasn't keen, but i already promised my friends to catch passion of the christ with them & i have to go for interviews. moreover, my meals there would be a prob since i'm a veggie. & talking about the movie really makes my blood boil. jessica & i didn't managed to sneak in. her church booked the entire theatre so we were thinking if we could follow behind big groups of people into the theatre. but.. argh.. forget it. only siewmay & diana watched. siewmay's smart enough to borrow ppl's ez-link & paste a neoprint on de picture. haha. but i was quite relieved i don't have to go home red-eyed that night.

alright, written too much. tired too. wish me luck for tmr's interviews.

2004-03-29T14:31:00.000+08:00
completely detached from band life..
my ears were filled with band's music, & i thought i was playing in de band.. but i woke up only to realise dat my brother is watching drumline, yet again. eversince i bought de vcd home some days ago, he has been sticking to de tv like superglue. he's so fascinated. cos besides staring at de tv with eyes wide open with amazement, he's hymning de songs wherever he goes. from dat instant, i noe we'd be having another band member at home very soon. dat makes 3 of us.

my sis, now a military band member, comes back like one chao-da (burnt) bread every night. *heart-wrenching* can u believe she is only free on tuesday afternoons & sundays? but im glad she enjoyed being a clarinetist & a band member. proud of her too. cos she's one of de 10 secondary 1s who's selected to join de main band in this yr's syf - display bands. way to go, sis. all de best to bowen! (",)

she, too watched & enjoyed drumline. but she envies de clarinetists as they needn't hold it up (90 degrees). hopefully, after their syf this april, there'd be more time for her to rest.

anyway, to all band members, drumline is highly recommended. i love their slogan: One Band, One Sound. Drumline depicts the ordeals of a gifted drummer who wins a music scholarship to a Southern University, A&T, and hopes to land a spot as a drummer on its marching band's drumline. Although he initially flounders in his new cultural environment because of his attitude, the freshman ultimately triumphs in his efforts to lead the school's band in one of the region's most popular music contests. He realised the hard way that it takes more than talent to reach the top.

[a scene where dey're competing at their regional classics..]

it's been 3 months. almost. wonder how de feeling & sound would be like, de nxt time i touch my clar. i hate de feeling when everything's gone. & i've gotta wait till like june or july b4 i can play again. how bad.

2004-03-28T22:56:00.000+08:00

2004-03-27T23:59:00.000+08:00
i'm back.. with a new look~
yep. i finally trimmed my hair on thursday at jean yip after so long. intended to cut it like last month? anyway i got loads to update cos of my long absence online. well its cos there's sth wrong with de password. dont understand why, since i saved it instead of having to key it everytime i go online. called up de helpdesk a couple of times but to no avail. until today.

had loads to say cos i spent de 1 wk hols (after de 3 mths course) going out with nsssb friends & others as well. almost de entire wk together. hanged out too much i donno where exactly i've been. omg. let's see..

[16]march : MI 04S5 class outing
had bbq at ivan's place - Hume Park. ate alot. took loadsa photos together too. i'd call this a pool party. cos de guys are extremely playful. first a few planned to push ivan into de swimming pool. succeeded when hongjing came from behind & both went in. haha. den, hongjing grabbed sijie & both went in again. consequently, shah, yihuey, stephen & anthony were dragged into de pool too. little did i know dat anthony is so unscrupulous! he intended to push me in as well. managed to run away. poor zhixuan.. had to hold on to de playground's "horsey" for quite awhile when hongjing wanted to drench her. took a nice photo in de pool but with me zhixuan & nuraini standing on de steps. proceeded to watch incredible tales at ivan's house. den took a bus home.

[04S5 in da pool~]

[de gurls]

[17]march : og outing
not exactly one. since only 4 turned up. pathetic. de rest went elsewhere when we've already agreed to have it on that day. anyway, joel junwei shouyen & myself went to cineleisure to take neoprints & just walked arnd taka wisma & heeren. shouyen & i had loadsa fun trying on pretty clothes. & i managed to buy a nice skirt at bysi.

[18]march : shop with siewmay
went to town again. bought diana's belated bday prezzie. & did i mentioned i love wheelock place? haha. esp de mark & spencer's potato rings. our fave. dey oways have enough stock. *grinz* didn't buy alot. just got myself a new pair of surf wear @ 37degrees. siewmay & i were shopping for bags. each of us saw two. couldn't decide on one so planned to come back de nxt day.

[19]march : shop with siewmay + celebrate diana's belated bday
got our bags. bought meaningful worded glasses for papa & mama (aj's) as bday prezzie. hope dey'll like it. den siewmay & i busy ourselves with getting diana's bday cake & food. celebrated her bday at my place with eugene weekiat weejuay edmund. talked alot about horror movies & stories. with eugene arnd really make ppl laugh till pengz. sang a horrible bday tune with de guys acting as nan gao ying. den we watched resident evil on channel 5. afterwhich siewmay diana & edmund slept over at my house. dint really sleep. talked quite alot till 2-3am. den dey left at 5am.

[20]march : hanged out @ bugis + dinner @ circuit road
diana edmund & myself met up with siewmay & lixin afta their aj band prac. went to bugis & walked, again. we nv get tired of each other's company. moreover we're nv gonna go out so crazily every consecutive days in de nxt 3 yrs.. so had a gr8 time together. took neoprints, again. lol. afterwhich, we went to circuit road afta a long ride from toa payoh interchange. *bushed*

[21]march : ajcsb performance @ bishan park + dinner @ causeway point
no yamaha lesson dat day. cos we're given a term holiday. haha. so i went to support ajcsb. saw sihui my twinnie from crescent whom i got to know in MI. so surprising loh. completely shocked. haha. she was dere to support her classmate who's in euph. after their performance, siewmay & lixin joined me diana & edmund. took 169 to woodlands for dinner.

[24]march : watched "my girl" @ tampines mall
watched a very nice & humourous thai movie abt childhood sweethearts, with siewmay & diana. after de show, siewmay asked me what's de moral of de show. i told her, it was to confess quickly to de one u like. haha. met up with eugene at yishun & had dinner together.

[25]march : applied for business course
i wanted to try to appeal into de business management course in nyp so i went to siewmay's house with diana's company to fill it up online. 2nd choice - marketing & 3rd choice - business informatics. if im able to get into de 1st & 2nd choices, i'd go to nyp. if not, i'll stay in temasek poly. wanted to get into a singapore university & work here in future. but singapore universities don't have design faculties. so it's a dilemma for me: to pursue my interest studying overseas or business which i can study & work in singapore.

apparently, i still have no definite answer. shall wait for de results of de nyp's dae. *cross my fingers* dat i make de right choice.

[26]march : look for jobs
went to town with diana & gina. de scent shop wanted permanent staff so we sorta failed. i really hope dat we could at least work at cathay cineleisure or noda shoe boutique. after applying, we went to paragon. resolved our hunger @ delifrance. den talked & shared alot. dey really make me think thoroughly on certain matters. thanks to de both of u. =]

..until nxt time..

2004-03-14T23:30:00.000+08:00
all good things come to an end..
friday's de last day in MI. didn't have proper lessons but we had an enjoyable time.

captain's ball during pe. quiz during physics tutorial. pictionary during gp, when everyone had a gr8 time drawing & guessing & shouting. *lol* den it was de last lesson of de day - chem prac. dr chia went thru some redox graphs & formulas. den told us some creepy stories during his ns period. urgh. good luck to de guys man.

after sch, went to have lunch at an "alfresco dining" environment. haha. den played pool with my classmates again. yep, at pool factor which was 10-15mins walk from MI. guess everyone's kinda addicted.

afterwhich, yihuey nuraini & i went back to MI again to take photos with de angklung-kolintang ensemble ppl. only de yr2s were arnd since de yr3s are having their retreat at msia.

gonna meet my class for de last time this coming tuesday. we're having a bbq @ ivan's place. (",)

[04S5]

..b4 de release of Os..

..b4 maths lecture..

..nuraini & myself..

-----

look at my profile on de right. *grinz* passed both de entrance test & interview. =] really look forward to having a new environment. new friends. new subjects. & new band! de gr8 thing is.. mr tan beng wee is de conductor of tp band. *yay*

2004-03-10T20:13:00.000+08:00
a fulfilled dream. an extraordinary day.
*smiles widely* i finally muster de courage.. to crash aj~! *jumps wildly* yep. "dat's de last thing i wanna do b4 i go to poly" (msn nick)

don't wanna miss such a chance to experience a day in aj since there're only 3 more days left for de 3 mths course. anyway, met new friends today. dey're xiaoqing, diana, peiwen & valerie. we're actually having this friendster system except dat it's not a cyber thing. it goes like this.. xiaoqing, diana & peiwen are yihuey's frends at crescent girls. valerie is peiwen's frend at cj. xiaoqing & diana are schooling at aj so dey helped us arnd at aj today. really nice knowing dem. dey're very friendly & easy-going.

anyway, this morning was such a.. *loss of vocab*
went to de ladies to hide since dey usually take attendance during assembly. was waiting for dem to finish their national anthem, announcement-making & school song to finish.. den someone came in.. de nxt thing i know, dey were rushing into de cubicles. *complete silence* den we realised dat it's de school attendant. so, for safety reasons, we rushed out of de ladies b4 de auntie comes out of de cubicle. should have seen our facial expressions. luckily, all de students were proceeding to their respective classrooms when we "escaped". den went to de reading room & spent de 45mins dere b4 econs lecture at de aud.

1st time having an econs lec but i do enjoy & understand. *glad* de lecturer's a really nice person. she kept emphasizing de impt points & she talks at an acceptable rate, unlike de chem lecturer. afterwhich we were asked to summarise wad we've learnt today. i think she believes in quality not quantity. de best lecturer dat i've come across so far.

chem & bio lec was a ?(o_O)? for me. MI nv teach dat far for chem, yet. & i don take bio. so practically wasted 1h30mins. but i did wrote down some notes & understand a little. afterwhich we went to have lunch.. first time i have my lunch in school since my pri & sec schools don't have vegetarian stalls. anyway de food is quite nice la.. better than i thought.. since many ppl complained abt de sch food at other JCs incl MI, i was expecting de worst. but, all 4 of us enjoyed aj's canteen food. den we went to their 3-storeys high library & talked alot. had a gr8 time.

very quickly.. de dismissal bell rang.. & all of dem wanna go orchard.. but i wanted to stay & listen to ajcsb once again.. for de last time. a very long time since i hear band play le. really happy to be able to join dem. papa, mama, eric kor, desmond, jeremy goh, zhixiang, ruizhen & zhenzhi are still as friendly as ever. glad dey didn't ignore me or sth. i didn't play since i haven't played de clarinet for a long time. besides, i don't wish to spoil de band's sound & waste their reed. i know ajscb is no hotel.. but i just wish to listen to dem..

oh ya.. i made a new frend dere.. a clarinetist from deyi.. she's really nice to talk to.
sat beside eric kor during band prac & chatted quite a bit too. he sounded stressed & tired though. in fact all J2s look so.

anyway, de band was supposed to put up sth special for de upcoming concert @ de esplanade. hmm.. shan't say much here. don wanna be a spoiler.

-- AJCSB & CO combined concert --
venue: esplanade concert hall
date: 16 may '04 (sun)
tickets @ $13 & $18
interested, pls tag at my board!

2004-03-09T22:18:00.000+08:00
04S5's simply fabulous!
had a wonderful time with my class today. however de movie spoilt de whole thing. watched "acacia" at ps in de early noon. don't be fooled by de trailer or advertisement ok.. it isn't nice, at all. actually i didn't want to join dem since it's a horror movie.. but even when i said i didn't want to pay money to scare myself, hongjing went ahead & bought de tickets! & tada. bad show. =[

nevertheless, we enjoyed de later part. after de movie, we took a class neoprint. not really de whole class though. anyway, we had a hard time squeezing to ensure dat our faces are on de screen. only 1 turned out well.

& here is de lousier version..

afterwhich, went to le meridien hotel's "monstercue" to play pool. first timer. fortunately got a patient shifu -- hongjing, who taught me alot of things & it's on him! ;) had a fun yet tough time playing 2 versions. den went home at arnd 5-6pm. really tired.

2004-03-05T22:58:00.000+08:00
S i m p l e . B l i s s
lesson of de day: realised that even de simplest things in life can make u feel happy.

though i couldn't be in de aj family, i still luv de college! aj rox! muahaha..

yihuey, all de best! i heard u placed aj as ur 1st choice. (influenced by me arh? haha..)

went to school today. kind of wasted de half day in sch cos we didn't have proper lessons since everyone's too restless. de teachers too. which shouldn't be de case when most of them are heading to prominent JCs.

[chem prac] dr. chia was asking de class where we intend to go after these 3 mths. when he came to me, i told him im going to poly & he smiled & said, "less agonising right?" *shrugs* it IS agonising when i have endless doubts. but on de other hand, not getting into aj IS as agonising. *confused* can't believe im still not getting over it. & of course i know what's best for myself. *hesitates* well maybe i don't. feel like slamming myself against de wall.

[pe lesson] a complete torture. really giddy after running 12 rounds, round de 3 courts for warm up. den we played soccer cos my class's girls wanted it.. haha.. surprising. we ran all over de court for de ball. yes, all over. i was like so drained that i went pale. *sigh* whatever happened to me.. i usually quite enthu.. argh.

don't know why.. i've been losing appetite recently. *sigh*

im going for interview+entrance test for interactive media design course at temasek poly nxt saturday. wish me luck. *clasp her hands tightly*

2004-03-04T01:57:00.000+08:00
h u i ' s . c l o s e . f w e n z
went causeway point to take photos. this should be de first time we're actually taking a photo after hanging out together for 4 yrs i think..

siewchan . jessica . myself

..talk to de hands..

..singapore idol?..

=D

afterwhich jess & siewchan came over to visit my new house. i moved 2 days b4 Os, so no time to hold house-warming like last yr. i forever moving house onez.. haha.. this is my 4th house liao & my dad said that we'd be moving once again. *faintz* can't de developers stop building houses?!

2004-02-23T19:02:00.000+08:00
woke up with swollen eyes & a painful heart..
a week flew past just like that. a week that began with smiles.. ended in tears. but i thank god for giving me friends who stayed by me, & comforted me. many thanks to diana, siewmay & weekiat.

i didn't attend school today. didn't want to go to school with my eyes like that. and i am quite sure i couldn't concentrate much. nevertheless, i regret for not going to school, as the time passes by.. i'm always looking at the time table.. physics lecture for 2 periods.. gp maths chemistry tutorials.. *sigh*

i didn't do much at home. practically locked myself up in the room. went out thrice to bring in my breakfast & lunch; to watch tv so as to avoid the images of what happened yesterday night, to appear in my head. haven't talked to my parents eversince yesterday night. guess they didn't want to anyway.

2004-02-21T23:16:00.000+08:00
"hey look! what school is that?"
i wore the mgs uniform on tuesday & unexpectedly received some stares from people on my way to school & home. like i'm some sort of an alien or something. i overheard a girl who's schooling in aj for these 3 mths (cos she was wearing aj's badge) saying, "wow.. this girl's from acjc.." & i was like "oh man.. i'm not.." i was like so envious when i saw de aj badge she was wearing, yet she on the other hand felt the same way as i was wearing an acs badge. well, all anglo-chinese schools wear de same badge u see. & since i was wearing de mgs u with de badge, she assumed i'm from acjc.

& if u're wondering why i'm wearing an acs badge instead of de mgs one.. well, all de mgs girls i approached don't seem to have an extra badge.. so i have no choice but to lend it from my classmate who's from acs, their brother sch.. or else they'll start nagging at me again.. cos if u were to wear their u, u gotta wear a badge.

i still love their uniform anyway, despite having so many probs with it.

i also received some comments from my classmates. hafizah said i looked cute. hahaha. hong jing said i looked punk? donno why also. maybe cos de blouse is too big for me..

here is one of de shots taken with de help of jessica..

& thanks to charmaine & audrey for lending me de uniform.

anyway, our class won de 1st runner up title for the skit competition. we lost to 04SC. it's disappointing, but at least we got into the top 3. *grinz* we won ourselves a food hamper. there's "champagne" which i think, doesn't taste very good.. but some of them said it's ok.. & a tin of butter cookies + a box of chocolate biscuit. de biscuits were delicious. *slurpz* had a gr8 time makaning our prize 2gether during breaktime.

2004-02-14T15:21:00.000+08:00
Happy Friendship cum Valentines'!
yesterday was a fun-filled day. performed our total defence skit as our class was one of the five finalists amongst all de 3 streams of pre-u 1 classes. *hurray* & i played 2 roles: a tree & child. haha..

it turned out very well & de audience had a gr8 time.. laughing? our class is really bonded. proud to be a part of 04S5. *grinz* all our tutors praised & congratulated us for our successful performance. *smiles even wider* results for this skit competition would be announced on nxt thursday. wish us luck!

everyone was so sweet yest. esp our class.. most of us brought prezzies.. chocolates.. sweets.. while yihuey zhixuan & myself gave out pink roses to de girls & mint chocolates to de guys. bought de roses on tues at far east flora (thomson). very special kinda rose.. cos it's smaller-sized. den went to thomson plaza & got de flora paper & silver strings to wrap it manually.. so sweet right.. hahaha.. spent quite alot of money & time.. but everything's worthwhile since it's for our class. ;)

---------------
side-track
---------------
b4 cuming to my house on thurs to wrap de flowers & de mint chocolates.. yihuey zhixuan & myself took neoprints at causeway point.

heez. nice ba..

anyway, de sweetest thing dat happened was, amarit received a huge prezzie from gapilan.. woo~ haha.. den everyone was like, "open..! open..!" during our gp lesson in de comp. lab. she did. under de wrapper was a lovely box.. heart-shaped design.. in it was a furry "puppy". den everyone was teasing gapilan.. haha.. cos he's so unfair.. gave as "time-out" chocolates only.. :p

oh.. b4 i forget.. thanks to yihuey & zhixuan for de gifts.. =)

"it's not the presence of someone that brings meaning to life. but it's the way that someone touches your heart which gives life a meaning."

2004-02-08T10:46:00.000+08:00
where to head from here...
*rejoices* finally.. i've a rough idea on wad exactly i want after visiting de poly open houses. ngee ann & singapore polytechnic had their open houses this wk.. so MI is kind enough to dismiss all de Pre-U 1s earlier. *yay* a blessing in disguise. cos other JCs dint give an early dismissal.. like CJ, YJ etc.. simply bcos de principal (YJ: ex-principal of RGS) believed dat girls should stay in JC..

anyway, first day yihuey zhixuan & myself went to ngee ann.. since it's near to our sch.. haha.. another blessing in disguise.. :p yihuey & i walked dere, ok..

as i went to ngee ann b4, we went by de back gate (sort of a short-cut) & felt strange since we dint see de expected large crowd.. so, we proceeded to their food court.. was really relieved to see dat dere's a veggie stall.. after eating, went to look for zhixuan, den realised ngee ann very happening.. de crowd is actually at de convention centre area.. de newly-renovated convention centre is.. magnificent.. (0_0)"

got some brochures & info from de different schools dat set up their stalls.. was particularly interested in mass com.. talked quite alot with an award-winning student.. & found out dat some actors/actresses of moulmein high & lightyears are from ngee ann too. i particularly like this course not bcos i can get to noe de stars & become one or sth liddat.. but i've liked to write scripts since primary & secondary school.. & i actually have some "award-winning" ones.. haha.. one of dem is de total defence sketch for de band.. we won back our challenge trophy.. luckily, i've got enthusiastic actors/actresses.. or else this wouldn't be a success.. *smiles*

moreover, i love to write.. like now.. & i've always wanted to become a deejay.. though some of my friends teased dat dey won't tune in to my channel since when i become very quiet at times.. dere's nth interactive to listen to.. *sobz*

anyway, yihuey stressed dat this course is very competitive.. i agree with her. with an intake of 200.. & so many ppl applying.. "demand is overwhelming, but supply is few.."

well, i'd first look at my Os results.. if my english grade is between a1-b4, i'd give it a try before considering JC.. dat is IF my results are good.. kinda impossible actually..

anyway, de same thing happened to yihuey & myself at SP.. argh.. oways end up in deserted places.. we walked for almost an hour before we reach de convention centre. by de time we finished touring de booths, it's oredi 445. consequently took a shuttle bus to de school of business where we're entertained by de tourism management students.. very cheerful & approachable ppl.. love de course too. but i hate poa. heard it's juz a repeat module of wad i've learnt in sec sch.

den, we explored de media studies studio.. when i went in.. i was like, "WAH" *awe-struck* so cool.. den 2 of their students answered our doubts & shared alot of stuff with us.. we stayed there for almost an hour.. de gr8 thing is there weren't any ppl in de studio.. we had it all by ourselves! *grinz*

den gwen directed us to de nearest bus stop from their building.. think we're de last to get out of SP.. had loadsa fun anyway..

admittedly.. after having in mind wad courses to take when i go poly.. something kept flashing/haunting/revolving in my head, "AJ.. AJ.. AJ.." it'll take time for me to completely give up.. many ppl asked me why i don wanna choose nyp.. dey've gd facilities; dey're nearer to my house etc.. well, cos it's SOOO close to AJ! i noe it's de stupidest reason u've ever heard. but i don wanna look so depressed everytime i go to sch..

& i guess NP & SP's my more preferred choice.. though initially i didn't really like de idea of getting into a poly.. cos.. environment-wise.. it's really very different. but like gwen (she spent 2 yrs in acjc & now oredi in de 3rd yr in sp) said, "de environment would still be de same as poly's when u go to Uni.. yes it's true dat in JC, u've got sch spirit, & u feel more bonded as a sch.. but this isn't de most impt. ultimately, u needa earn a living in future.. & what's de use of studying subjects that aint gonna help u much in future though u study at a higher level..?"

i suddenly felt dat dere're more ppl around me who had went thru As & poly but preferred poly education.. gwen aint de first.. is it a sign from god dat i shuld consider a poly education..? *doubts*

..results are gonna be out very soon.. *gulpz* all de best to all..!

2004-02-01T23:09:00.000+08:00
"soledad... it's de keeping for de lonely..."
have u ever felt too alone dat u don't know what to do with yourself?

although u've friends spending endless time with u, u find that u never tell them what's deep down inside of u. even if u did want to, u'd think that they aren't the best persons to talk to afterall.

now, i realised why mdm nim said that an important marriageable trait of ur life partner is to be empathetic.

after finishing the korean drama,"my love patzzi" yesterday night did i realised that, it is de person who's there to feel in your shoes & provide u with the emotional support needed, that is the most important. this triat is called, empathy.

after talking to my 2 friends who're concerned about my school work & future plans, did i realised that i was wrong to tell jiewei that sharing your problems with a friend is the same as sharing it with ur partner. bcos, friends can only feel sympathetic. (at least that's what i've concluded for now...)

after thorough thinking during & after dinner, i realised that, it's difficult & almost impossible to find a friend who actually understands u. i feel that i badly need a friend who really listens, instead of debating with me on what i should do.

maybe, that is why we need a partner in life. bcos only ur life partner is willing to do what ur friends can't, since love is unconditional..?*sigh*

guess i haven't exactly sorted out what's on my mind. there's too many things going on in there... that i lost myself at times.

2004-01-30T23:03:00.000+08:00
loadsa thoughts & feelings...
im getting to like MI alot better... though it cannot be compared to aj... everyday, im looking forward to de journey to sch though itz long; looking forward to meet my og & classmates; looking forward to learn new things... & of cos hanging out at de lib & singing with yihuey & zhixuan. haha. felt dat i'd put in my heart & soul into class activities, like de upcoming total defence skit & de yr 1's entrepreneurship project. well, everything except for school work since i really do have alot to catch up...

though life seems to have gotten better... but something is still missing... bAnD lIfE... life is so incomplete & unbearable w/o band... though i did join de angklung-kolintang ensemble. but still, it isn't de same. these 2 days' practices, whenever dey warm up, i'd recall de days in band... even when we're setting up de stands... felt like crying somehow.

& im gonna flunk my maths test. afta de test, i was looking extremely low spirited dat zhixuan kept on consoling me... *disappointing* i promised myself i must revise & practise all de things taught consistently, till i noe de subject inside-out though it's only de first 3 mths. i hate to let myself down. it's just terrible. okay... who likes to..?

yest. i was feeling all mixed up... again i've problems understanding maths lecture since mr lim is now on modulus (sth liddat) & i asked yihuey & zhixuan loadsa qns again. sth inside of me is yelling to me dat i cannot take As... i should heed yihuey's advice & be realistic -- to forget about aj. & to just go pursue music cos even if de pieces are extremely hard, i'll still find it challenging (in another words, very optimistic) & will definitely play my very best since i think dere's nth dat cannot be accomplished in de music field. this kinda feeling has never happened academically.

-----

apart from school...
on 25th jan, me diana & weekiat gave siewmay a surprise by appearing at her door step at 12 midnight with 4 small cakes (since it's de day afta 2 days of cny break, no cakes are available. luckily breadtalk did sell those small onez.) i know it's mad but i love giving ppl bday surprises. esp this yr. wan guo huo liaoz. hahaz. we stayed till 1am. sorry to have disturbed ur family, siewmay. we actually wanted to just bring u downstairs & celebrate.

den we catch de movie, magic kitchen, in de afternoon. some parts, i don really understand la but it's not bad... den again, we proceeded to take our neoprints & this time it's de baddest exp ever... kinda messy & de frames & stuff not very nice loh...

-----

i was surprised dat i went shopping myself picking my frens' gifts... i still remembered i felt so alone dat 3 hours... no one to ask for opinions & suggestions... walking arnd city hall's 3 major shopping malls. *unbelievable* i do like to spend some time with myself at certain times to do some reflections, thinking... but, i didn't expect it to be when im shopping... de journey home is as bad...

2004-01-23T21:20:00.000+08:00
.X. happy bday jessica! .X. have a wonderful 17! .X.

haven't got her a prezzie yet. but, played a bday song for her a few mins past 12am. does dat count as a surprise? was glad dat i'm de first to wish her! *proud of myself* ;)

going to book stores to get her a french learning kit this coming week, since she wanted it. *cross my fingers* dat i'd be able to find.

---

today when i came online, weizhen asked me whether i've gotten back myself into one piece. haha. thanks for ur concern... i think i'm feeling better liao. hopefully history doesn't repeats itself when i return to sch this coming wk.....

somehow, i look extremely glum & lost afta each lecture/tutorial. esp when it comes to maths. haiz. i still cant get it. & now mr lim is oredi on partial fractions. de worst thing is, he'd be giving a test on de topics covered on thursday. *prays real hard* i've oredi given yihuey & zhixuan alot of problems liao. oways ask dem qns. *apologetic* very grateful dat dey didn't complain & had de patience to teach me. i think im losing faith in myself. everyday afta sch this will come to my mind:" im not suitable for an a level education... just look at my maths!"

once, i met wanxuan (a member from my OG) on de mrt. asked me how i was coping & told her my probs with maths. to my surprise, she's got no a maths bkgrnd at all... just like me... yet she's doing fine with all de tutorials & assignments. was extremely... *inferior*

anyway, some days i ago, i just realised dat i could take AO maths (which is equivalent to Additional Maths) budden it's for de arts stream. *sigh* i don't mind taking arts, but i'm afraid dat i can't cope with wad de other ppl've learnt during de 3 mths. moreover, my cousin discouraged me from going into arts since she's experienced it for herself.

amidst all these things..... im thankful dat eric (kor) had managed to make me laugh till pengz on msn.

i wonder how he can haha for so long, throughout de entire chat. i cant stop laughing... think it's bcos i imagined him laughing "live" in front of me. de next time i see him, he'd be treating me andersen's icecream liaoz... yay! haha! *slurpz*

2004-01-21T23:48:00.000+08:00
can somebody just pick me up at de lost & found..?
whatever happened to me... i feel so lost... again. somehow this month hasn't been really gd for me... been feeling rather..... helpless...

i remembered one day a week ago when i broke down in de mrt... just couldn't control myself... think it's just another "emotional explosion" which i termed when something similar happened last year. but dat was understandable. at least i know why i was in dat state. but not now.

...

anyway, happy chinese new year to all~ gong xi gong xi~

"ming tian hui geng hao..." it'll be better tomorrow...

2004-01-17T23:53:00.000+08:00
happy bday weekiat!
today went to bugis to celebrate weekiat's bday. hmm... actually it's meant to be a surprise celebration... our plan A was to rush into de aj band room afta deir band prac & shock him by presenting de cake. haha... budden... mission inaccomplished. bcos heard he had to rush back to vs for alumni prac for de feb's concert. plan B was to ask weixiang & friends to bring him to parkway parade afta deir prac & we'd celebrate for him dere, w/o him knowing. again... cant be carried out. since dey intend to play bball... budden luckily, weekiat's going to support desmond (singing performance) at bugis afta his prac. so phew~

weekiat arrived at bugis at quite a late hour. by den, desmond oredi finished his performance. so, we proceeded to swensens... & weekiat blur-ly followed. he kept asking, "so wad are we going to do? wad are yall going to do to me?" hahaha... he was like, "huh?!" with dat fake shocked look upon knowing our plan... hahaha...

in de end, we decided to juz buy de swensens cake & celebrate it at mac donalds... everyone was practically staring at de 15 of us while we sing de bday song... but hopefully weekiat is happy. think he is ba... we bought him a wallet... quite ex la. budden as long as dere's a "home" for his money & cards... we don't mind. hahaha. & wad's more so many ppl celebrating with him + dat delicious cake...

so dere was this pathetic last piece of cake left... we played "zhong ji mi ma" & unfortunately weekiat hit de no. 86 & had to lick de cake...

aftawhich we went to take neoprint. well, it's our (siewmay, weekiat & i) "tradition" dat we should take neoprints on our bdays... no matter wad... even if de shop threatens to close & not let us take... luckily we had 8 $1 coins & dat one of de machines is still on... i think de shop attendants got no choice but to wait for us to finish... de photos turned out very gd... & of cos... our shocked looks were oso very successful...

when i reached home it's already 11+... completely drained... + im quite sick... had some probz with my throat & breathing airways... de doc said im close to asthma... gawd... so no air con, no cold drinks for me...

ok de worst thing dat ever happened yest night was... de lifts of almost every towers were out! & de doors to de staircases can only be opened from inside to prevent trespassers from entering. luckily one of my neighbours helped us open from de inside... & poor me... had to climb 17 storeys to reach my house & 1 more staircase to my room... was really giddy when i reached my room...

2004-01-09T21:56:00.000+08:00
[MI]sjudgement
actually MI isn't dat bad afterall. (maybe yes -- "physically") i've even considered staying in MI de past few days...

firstly, i dint take pure sciences & additional maths in my secondary school. therefore, i've difficulty understanding c maths especially. thanks to yihuey for teaching me when i have problems with c maths. oh & jasmine too! dey're so nice! heez.
sciences (physics & chemistry) is currently alright... but i wonder if i can still cope with dem for de nxt few mths & wks.

secondly, science practicals aren't my forte. & since we're doing de A level pracs on assessment basis... i think 3 yrs would be better for me...

i'm still in de process of considering... cos i don't know if i want to take A levels... since it'd be 3 yrs. *contradicts herself* arghz.

u see...
what if i still can't manage to get a full-cert at de end of 3 yrs?!
go to poly for ANOTHER 3 yrs?! *slaps her head*

but i've another reason of not going to poly & should take de A levels instead...
i won't know if i'd want to switch jobs in future since poly gives u a very specific scope of subject to study on to prepare u for de workforce... & it'd be extremely difficult to switch jobs. i mean... u won't know what u want exactly at this point in time... well at least for me la... kinda risky. i don't know if my theory is right... dat when u take ur As & proceed to Uni... ur job scope would be wider... maybe if u're reading this... u may wanna tag at my board n gimme some opinions?

*clink* something struck me... i still can't get rid of de "i wanna go AJC" mode...

as u can see... my flow of thoughts are jumbled up... help me will ya?

2004-01-04T18:23:00.000+08:00
first day in MI... *sigh*
haven't been online for de past 3 days... & may not come online for another 5 days & so on... been staying over at my aunt's house cos MI - toh tuck campus (previously known as JI) is nearer. & when i'm at home now... i spent most of my time lying on my bed... hahaz!

well my first day dere WAS extremely... *speechless* & IS going to be de same for de nxt 3 mths. it's really stuffy in de hall. & there're about near a 1000 students stucked in de going-to-collapse hall. that's precisely wad de principal said. & de teachers dere are very blunt i'd say... "all of u cannot enter JC so u came here for the first 3 mths right? i believe most of u are most probably people who studied last minute for ur prelims & Os so u ENDED UP HERE..." arghz.

but then, de student leaders & councillors dere are very friendly la... & i know a handful of friends from my orientation group. a very close one is geraldine from beatty secondary. a very sweet & nice girl. glad knowing her. most of de people in my group esp de girls would be very promising women who could lead people very well in future. can see from de way dey work with each other in coming up with cheers etc...

anyway, most people shared de same sentiments at MI... some even escaped from de school during de lunch break. *sigh* but i must admit de later part of de day was a little teeny weeny bit better. i think it's cos my group is starting to become more active. oh ya... i find de SLs & SCs at MI really good at dancing... dey demonstrated
deir very own dance & eveyone was like "WOW"... but then... de dance abit too... *loss of vocabs* uhm... u know how guy+girl do de slow dance... hands on waist & shoulder dat kinda thing... maybe we aren't apt to dis kinda thing la... call me swa-koo. haha.

anyway, u'd be surprised to find students from premiere schools in MI... like RI & RGS...

good old gracious lord... when are dey going to start lessons? i aint in de mood to play orientation games... i mean we're already grown-ups... or somewhere dere... we have loadsa opportunities to interact with each other during our tutorials, don't we? & orientation needn't be 3 days ba?

anyway, choosing de courses is giving me a headache. not bcos i've loadsa options but bcos i only have 4 choices & i donno whether or not i should choose econs... *sigh*

de only thing dat brightens my 1/2/04 is de journey on de bus with ajcsb to & from UCC & de yodogawa concert... it was fantastic! awesome! *geez*

2003-12-29T23:58:00.000+08:00
Finally 16...
yay! although there's no birthday cake this year & less people celebrating with me than the previous years... i still feel extremely happy.

hmm... let's do a summary of today...

on 12 midnight, received de first greeting online from siewmay. haha. she insisted that she is first though others did dat hours b4 12. haha. den in de morning, received my red packet from mom. den i meet up with weekiat & siewmay to catch "sound of colours". actually wanted to watch de 12noon show but we were held up bcos me. i woke up late as i was bz thanking well wishers from midnight onwards u see. haha. den went to take neo prints with de recently-so-trendy-shocked look... started by weekiat. afterwhich, was queing up for de 220 movie but when it's our turn, we found out dat dere's only 2 seats left. argh. no choice. so we decided to watch at de nearest cinema: marina square which ISNT at marina bay. luckily got me dere. my memory is still better la. haha.

oh ya. forgot something. de prezzie dey gave me is my favourite bear: me to you tatty.

dey're so sweet. thanks alot. but itz ex. was surprised. so touched. boohoohoo... sniff sniff... & not to forget wad siewmay & weekiat got for me as de 2nd present... was shocked... not "convenient" to mention it here... but thanks for yall's kind "intentions" la... haha.

after dat, weekiat got to meet up wif his friends to go for de MJ concert... so we met up wif diana to eat at dailyveg... a vegetarian cafe. ate pizza... nasi lemak... some soup... ice cream... yummy yum. my treat.

den laughed & laughed throughout de dinner... forgot about wad liao... den went chinatown walk walk since itz near de cafe. nothing much actually. den went to take nel home... had some serious but interesting chat along de way... & suddenly dere's a singing session... siewmay & i sang as we walk haha...

oh ya... received a couple of msgs from aj ppl. was really astonished. i was like.. "huh? how come dey noe onez..." anyway, thanks alot! better dan some friend of mine who've known me for like 3 yrs?! yet nv even bother to sms me... i didn't want to argue over this small stuff... but he's still laughing so hysterically on de phone when i reminded him... so bad ritex! argh... junwen...! but then, come to think of it... he hasn't been so crazy for quite awhile... or should i say a long time... my impression of him since sec 3 is... depressed & highly emotional... he wasn't de old junwen i used to noe... anyway, hope he is enjoying his working life now...

help him advertise yi xia...
place: rice table -- buffet @ $22+++
located at a shophouse behind mc donalds which is beside centrepoint.
can't eat dere. so... datz de best i can do.

alright datz all folks! *play de looney tunes song*

2003-12-28T21:51:00.000+08:00
Happiest & Saddest Days of my life -- all in December
long long time no blog liaoz. dat's bcos i'm busy with my work at childcare & band practices at ajc. yepz. although i feel mentally & physically fatigued, all dat happened this december is worth remembering...

the first week of december...
my duty was to do administration work in the office & to also assist the teacher of a playgroup, class b. as the kids aren't familiar with me, they just stared at me. haha. & they're really cute. the second day, they had to go for their concert rehearsal @ woodlands library auditorium. i was also there to help look after the children. i made use of their break time to interact with them. and after dat, dey regarded me as their good friend. & there's this strong bond among us. i'm very close to 4 of them... glenda, jing xian, desmond & tong how.

whenever glenda woke up early during their afternoon nap, she'd always talk to me & share some of her favourites with me ; once, i remembered when desmond fell down, he'd begin to cry but when i helped him up & gave him a hug, he'd stop crying & smile at me ; jing xian loves to talk to her friends... but her teacher would always send her to the discipline mistress whenever she does dat... but which child isn't active & talkative? she'd cry when her teacher wants her out of the class... but i'll feel relieved whenever she looks at me & tried hard not to cry. after their shower, i'd help them dress up... & de way dey look at u is so sweet... i feel like a mother dat instant. heez.

the teachers dere are strict with the children but are really friendly to me... especially teacher fionn. during the children's nap time, she'd always give me snacks & share some of her experiences during school days & advise me on certain things.

the second & third week of december...
monday, went to ajc band's tune-in. we had practices with miss tan & some games. knew alot of people from different schools & of course their very own members. during the break, those who wanted to appeal are asked to go for an audition... i was supposed to accompany siewmay initially. but, when she said dat i should try... i hesitated but i told myself dat if i don't try, i'll definitely regret. miss tan just asked me how much i got for my prelims & if i have confidence to come into aj. i really don't know. but, i do hope so. i like everything in aj since open house day. she just asked me to pray hard. but will that do? and when i thought it'll be the last time i step into aj, it was announced dat we can partcipate in their concert on the 27th. & so, we had 6 practices altogether & it was really really really fun playing together. on the last day of band practice, siewmay weekiat diana & myself gave out belated xmas cards to all in the clarinet section (i remembered i was writing in choa chu kang's food court till 10+ when de person in charge said dey're closing.) haha. gave everyone except for desmond actually. we gave him a msg in a bottle. he's de sc & sl ma... so must be special abit. n in turn, we received a candy cane n a short note from de band.

on the concert day, which was yesterday evening... although only 300+ people attended, we still presented our best. de last part of de concert was really disappointing... bcos de encore was soft i guess? but anyway, most of de audience enjoyed it... dat's the most important thing. another gd thing is... de concert's money goes to de ppl who need financial help in aj. a meaningful concert afterall.

then, it was photo-taking time... had loadsa fun clicking & posing... have put up de photos on a webpage... [http://pages.ivillage.com/rendezvous2003/] go check it out. of course, we did help to arrange the scores for our "parents". oh ya... siewmay diana eugene weekiat & myself had new parents. heez. we took a family photo. (it's also on the webpage) sweet right?

had so much fun until de school needs to be locked. after dat, siewmay weekiat + de exco members & myself went for dinner. i brought them trouble since dey've to travel to bishan n walk all de way to de hawker centre, but to find out dat de vegetarian stall is closed. in de end, siewmay weekiat & myself went to toa payoh food court to makan. was really hungry... didn't have my breakfast & lunch de whole day. every concert day... i'll experience this... at least it's true for the last 2...

"all good things come to an end..." yeah. i guess this december is my biggest bday present ever. in a few hours time, i'll finally be 16! & here's wad jasmine ( best friend since p6) wrote to me in a letter:
-----
[things to do when we're 16...]
- watch NC-16 -_-" lame yea but no more snooping!
- apply for posb aka nets card
- get a job without hassles! (no one would look @ 29/12/87 & look -_-" anymore!)
- party 24/7 cos u're sweet 16!
-----
hahaha... thanks for ur letter jasmine. happy bday to u too, twinnie!

2003-12-05T16:30:00.000+08:00
Lights, Camera... POSE!

went to causeway point after their band prac to take photos with siewmay lixin jingying liane diana edmund lyehuat yesterday... had a great time hanging out together after so long... bcos i was overseas last week. (arghz... but de photos are so blur... i shall scan again when my scanner's back...)

nxt wk de band would be on a malaysia trip for an exchange & our promised reward for having maintained our silver medal for this yr's syf... haha... too bad i won't be going... initially my family planned to go for a vacation in australia & de dates clashed... now, it's cancelled cos my dad's fren who's living dere isn't free to take us around. awhz! *frown* dying to go to australia. wanna see de koalas & go gold coast... hahaha... oh well, dere'll oways be a nxt time. (hmm not bad... i'm beginning to sound optimistic... hahaz)

n i just found out that if i wanna join de band now... i'll have to pay 199 instead of de subsidised rate which is a big no-no to my mom. can't go with band liaoz. *sobz*

from nxt wk onwards, i gotta help my aunt at her childcare centre... she said she needed help urgently... maybe she wants me to do de accounts i guess..? since accountants are really busy especially at the end of the yr... but i was thinking, childcare centres aren't big organisations... not much accounting to do right..? & she can't possibly ask me to do de teaching... if so, why only need help in december? maybe cos one of their teachers is on leave? or she wants me to help her clean de floor, dishes... or even wash de toilets?! hahaha... gosh... think too much liao... shall find out from her soon...

alright... wish me luck! oh ya... & gd luck to my best friends, charlotte who's working at crepes & jessica, who's waiting for reply from de chocolate company...

2003-11-26T11:11:00.000+08:00
headache...
finally... chosen 6 secondary schools for my sis which is to her satisfactory and which my mom agrees... since she got her results on saturday, i've spent almost the entire 3 days brainstorming good schools for her including the following factors -- distance, time needed to reach the school, CCAs the sch offers, academic achievements etc etc... awhz... had sleepless nights browsing through the schools' sites & the book which had a compiled list (rmb?) that i think i can memorise the facts of some schools... but i think it's worth my time cos i don't want my sis to suffer the same fate as me and my friends...

to all the people who're concerned about my sis's results & who've helped me in suggesting her schools... thanks alot... *smiles*
here are her first 3 chosen schools:-
(1) Chung Cheng High
(2) Bowen
(3) St Theresa's Convent

now... it's time to worry about mine... have to apply for the 1st three months... cos i'm eligible for CIs & i don't want to work yet... but millenia institute at toh tuck is farrrrrr... yet it is the only CI offering science course...

wish me luck there... i hope i don't fall asleep in the bus and miss my stop... wahahaz... & most importantly not regret...

2003-11-21T22:51:00.000+08:00
Finally... PHEW!
congratulate me on completing the Os... too lagging liaoz ... cos most people finished Os last week... haven't been updating on how i think i did on which papers during what day... wellez... don't have the mood to... all i know is, it's going to be doom's day when i get my results next year...

my dreams are shattered... completely.

yong bie le (farewell), aj.

i do hope to step in one last time on 151203 for the tune-in session. but i doubt i've the courage to step in. prelims dieded. Os... most likely cannot make it there. what for do i want to go for tune-in, right? *frown*

if i get that 20 points, i'm sure i'd be too happy to ask for more. if i don't, (i've ever thought of committing suicide... afterall i spent 2 years for this Os... i'm never gonna forgive myself... of course i know that it's already done..... shouldn't think of it anymore... but... u know.....) i'd probably spend several years for a diploma+degree course in yamaha music academy majoring in electone... yepz. (i've even printed the application form... i'm serious, buddies...)

some people asked me why i don't intend to go to a poly. wellez, i really don't have interest in any of the courses there except on business IT... but, in the IT field... very tough since i've to constantly upgrade myself... very demanding though other jobs require upgrading too... & ultimately, i don't want to consider any jobs related to it. just curious, that's all.

for now, i'm going to commit myself to practising electone for the upcoming grade 6 exams... which eventually will help me in acheiving ABRSM grade 7 and fulfil the requirements of yamaha music academy. moreover, i've to practise extremely hard so that i can pass the audition, very well. and since i've suspended myself for 2 months of yamaha lessons due to Os (first time ever... in my last 10 yrs of learning...) imagine how much i've to catch up. but i know it's worth it. simply bcos i love music. *grinz* looked through the course's module... & realised i can at least do some minor studies on a second instrument. with no doubt, clarinet of course! heez.

in addition to music, i want to learn tennis during this long hols... can't wait to get a coach... afterwhich, i'll learn roller blading.. squash.. & probably golf?! haha... too ambitious... but i just want to spend my hols wisely...

ah... christmas nearing... and so is my 16th birthday (finally... after all these teasings... argh...) can't wait to go shopping... haha...

2003-11-11T23:28:00.000+08:00
life's like the conductor's baton

in the beginning, we build the foundations of life...
- starting from crawling to walking
- learning to communicate
- making of friends
- gaining of knowledge
- getting motivated to do what we're supposed to do
- sparing a thought for others
- leadership skills
etc etc... and these symbolises the "base" of the baton.

overtime, u'll find that life is not as smooth sailing, like the rough texture of the baton...

u'll also find that life isn't as short as it seemed like; and not very long too... just like the baton...

and everyone goes through different experiences in life... just like differently designed batons...

but the comforting part is... great orchestras/bands are conducted using this simple-looking baton. this baton signifies your importance as an individual.

lastly, de tip of the baton signifies the peak of your life...

+- when u try placing the baton on the flat side of one of your fingers, it balances. hence, the foundation u accumulated in life has aided u in fulfilling the later part of your life -- achievements. -+

by me... inspired when i went back to visit the band today...

2003-11-08T23:22:00.000+08:00

EvErYbOdY's UpSeT... *sigh*
heartbroken... *clang clang clang*
today's the baddest day ever.
i'm not alone who's upset or heartbroken.
no wonder my eyelids twitched. the bad side.
call me supertitious. but i always believe that my eyelids forsee certain things. most are quite true. i even classify one set for friends. and based on today, maybe coincidental, but true loh.
find it weird when all 3 of us got upset at the same time.
although we're upset, we consoled each other. weird.
niwaez, i believe it'll be better tomorrow. well, even if it ain't, there'll always be the day after next and so on. bleahz. why so crappy today.

of all my friends in the midst of Os, the happiest people, or rather, couple on earth would be weixiang and stephanie -- lovebirds from vs & tkgs. congrats!

...currently...
gulping on : vanilla coke
listening to: cun zai by 5566 [don really like them but influenced by grace & ended up repeating the song over & over again. =)]

2003-11-06T23:55:00.000+08:00
the story of wind, leaf & tree

thought this story is somewhat similar to mine - liking somebody for 3 yrs...
fortunately, i've moved on... very recently...
haven't found a satisfactory answer as to why this special feeling faded off though...

so far, i've talked to 2 of my good friends about this. i was very touched when jessica said that, seeing me xi huan de na me xing ku, she also felt like crying for me... i'm really sorry to have made my friends (if any) felt this way... thanks for yall's undying concern... i can't help but keep on thinking sometimes... as yall know, i'm an introvert so i tend to keep things to myself, not that i don't want to confide in yall. hope yall understand.

[Tree ]
The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime, I started to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I have dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There's one girl who I loved a lot but never dared go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary girl. I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility.
Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together, all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid that other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my girl, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason made her accompany me for 3 years. She watched me chase after girls, and I made her cry for 3 years.

She wanted to be a good actress but, I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but just smiled & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry and laughed at her the whole day. When everybody went back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. And, I watched her cry for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarrelled. I knew that based on her character she's not the type that will start off with the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she laughed & joked with me as if nothing ever happened. I knew that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know who's the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy, full of energy and liveliness. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the school. Unable to express to her how I felt at that moment, I only smiled & congratulated her. When I reached home, the heart ache was so strong that I couldn't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breathe. Wanted to shout out loud but couldn't. Tears rolled down my cheeks & I broke down completely.

How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.

On the day of graduation, I read a sms in my handphone. It was sent10 days ago, when I broke down and cried. I haven't read it since then.

It read,"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay... ..."

[Leaf]

During my Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because, I felt that for a leaf to leave a tree it had been relying on for so long, it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but just as a buddy. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a terrible feeling - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be described by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemons. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another girl.

"I like him & I knew he likes me too. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me, why doesn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I began to suspect that this is a one sided love.

If he doesn't like me, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I know his likes, his habits... But how he feels towards me, is what I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him and love him with all my heart. Hoping that one fine day, he will love me. I waited for his phone call and sms every night. I knew that no matter how busy he is, he would spare some time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really wanted to give up. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt & the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.

Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. He courted me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind just a small footing in my heart. I knew this wind will bring this badly battered leave to a far away place; to a better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smiled but did not ask me to stay. "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay... ..."

[Wind]

I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I had to be the gust wind, that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transferred to the new school. I would oftenly see a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer.

During our soccer training after school, she would always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks to girls, there would be jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there would be a kind of happiness in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him. One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amiss. I can't explain the feeling but I know it's a kind of uneasiness. Then. I noticed that the senior was not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her, took out a note & gave it to her. She looked surprised. Fortunately, she smiled & accepted the note. The next day, she appeared & passed me a note and left.

It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away."

"It's not that leaf's heart is too heavy. It's because leaf never wanted to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves still isn't me. But I am sure that one day, she would like me.
Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her, for no less than 20 times. Everytime, she would divert away from the topic. But I didn't give up. If I wanted her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her.

Although I knew that she would try to divert the topic, I still bear a small ray of hope, hoping that she would agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hung the phone and quickly changed. I took a taxi and rushed to her place.

The moment she opened the door, I hugged her tightly. "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay... ..."

[adapted from an email forwarded by kahmeng]

2003-10-19T16:27:00.000+08:00
AJ Open House

yesterday was Anderson JC's open house. went with siewmay and weekiat in the morning. (weekiat, thanks for travelling to marine parade to get clarinets for siewmay n myself.) man... long time never hold clar liao... so heavy...
the moment we step into the college, we were given a so-called goody bag. well it isn't really a goody bag... they've flyers which are not related to AJ... like Singnet Subsciption details and even Mac Donald's "I'm Lovin' it" advertisement. haha. makes me wonder if they did some flyers-related jobs during the weekends and kept the extras in our goody bag.
but anyway, i think we spent almost an hour finding the band room and roaming around their hall with different CCA displays. it's not that we didn't ask their students there. but, everyone pointed to the 2nd floor and there's no sign of the mysteriously-located band room. FINALLY (luckily), the band members went to the CCA display in the hall after their practice. that's when weekiat's senior, Desmond, brought us to the band room--FIRST FLOOR. somehow, i really suspect that their students didn't have orientation during their first few wks.
& i find it funny when the CO members kept retaining us at their booth and psycho-ing us to join CO, when 3 of us have clarinets held in our hands... & weekiat is wearing vscb's tee.

anyway, i think the band's booth was very..... inappropriately placed. very ulu. i doubt they have as many visitors as their counterpart, CO. there was a performance by the CCA groups... and i think the band and co are more impressive among all. AJ band is small, but the sound is there lo. they lack brass players, esp trombone--1 person only. we thought that the clarinet section is the most fantastic section in their band.
actually they've an inofficial tune-in session but unfortunately their new conductor, Ms Tan came only for a short while. phew. have got to buck up & polish my skills before the actual tune-in. the great thing is, they have a concert next yr at the Esplanade.
the AJ band members are very funny ppl. after their performance, they came back to have a "concert"... with Desmond as Jay Chou, singing Qing Tian. hahaha. the atmosphere there... whoa... really like concert. at their booth, we also received a very nice souvenir--a hand-made treble clef & quaver. u should look at siewmay' bag. hanged with 3 of these. haz.
my overall impression on AJ:"5 stars!!" like their friendly and passionate ppl there. their school. their crazy band. well, everything. make me wanna work hard to get in there no matter what... *smile*

2003-10-16T16:42:00.000+08:00

October...
past few weeks had been *undescribable* don't know where to begin, how to start...
most recently, i've been going out to study with siewmay. i didn't want to study at home cos i know i won't concentrate -- too many distractions. and, many of my friends said that i'm pushing myself too hard. how can i relax when Os is sooo near? it's not like i scored extremely well in my prelims that i can slow down my studying pace. *sigh* prelims. last week, i've been feeling terrible. don't know how to cry; what to do with myself... and i'm tired of wearing the 'mask'. just want to let my friends know that i'm alright. so, i kept telling them, "never mind. i won't give up! i'm gonna work even harder."
but...
i know i haven't get over my pathetic results yet...which nobody but the teachers and siewmay know.
fortunately, i am perfectly fine with the fact that i can't get into the 3 mths JC now,after some thorough thinking over the past few days. it doesn't matter whether i can get into a JC now. somehow, it doesn't matter anymore. i just want to focus on my studies and make sure i get good grades. where i would go after Os would leave to next year, after i get my results. maybe, i won't feel that pressurizing in this way ba?
the only thing that comforted me this prelims, is my e maths. i used to fail or pass at a borderline grade. this time, at least i hit a B4. *grinz* of course, i'm not going to just be this contented. thanks to siewmay & xumao for coaching me before prelims.
yesterday was my Science practicals... for the O levels. the question for physics was unexpected. on density. it was a jaw-dropping moment for me when i flipped open the page. blank. U-shaped test tube. "?!". i wasted 15mins figuring out how to measure and stuff. but still...*sigh* so i proceeded on to chemistry. BLANK. why is the qn format like that?! and very disappointing lo... all the things i am very familiar with e.g. acidified potassium dichromate... test for sulphur dioxide... etc etc... aren't really needed. i used too much of the time for chem, therefore, i didn't managed to complete my physics. gone liaoz. anyway it's over liaoz. worry also no use. But! there's still the theory part. I MUST DO WELL! no. should be EXTREMELY WELL!
-----
during the past few days... i also learnt that... "what isn't yours, won't be & is never meant to be yours... let nature take its course... (sun qi zi ran)"
the aforementioned doesn't refer to studies btw.

2003-09-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

VIOLET

You surround yourself with art and music and are constantly driven to express yourself. You often daydream. You prefer honesty in your relationships and believe strongly in your personal morals.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

2003-09-11T16:35:00.000+08:00
pondering...
*knock knock* "have u ever thought of what you really wanted in life?" *silence... long pause* Happiness?
sometimes, i really wonder... have i moved on? if not, why not? why am i living in those unrequitted memories? why should i even be sad about it?
at hindsight, i must admit that i always think about the past. most recently, on childhood. the naive, happy times.
friends of my own age have started to think how good it is being a child, then. why? answer:do not have much to worry. i remembered myself replying to a friend on this months ago... "but, we won't know the meaning of true happiness until we managed through the hard and sour times in life, right? if everything sails smoothly, most likely, we won't appreciate happiness as much as one who've experienced more of a down side in life." afterall, happiness is really hard to come by. especially for people who always look back in the path of life... i guess?

[listening to: Jay Chou's ::Qing Tian::]
"hope everyone finds his/her own piece of clear blue sky."
...aiyo... raining now... ('_')"'

2003-09-10T20:00:00.000+08:00
A chance encounter leads to another separation...
Turn Left Turn Right is based on the best-selling illustrated love story of the same name by renowned Taiwanese author/artist Jimmy Liao.

The film tells a simple, whimsical story of a lonely man, John Liu and woman, Eve Choi, who live in the same apartment building. Yet, due to their habitually quirky comings and goings, never meet there.

He, as former student pass #763092, is a struggling classical violinist who excels in Edward Elgar’s Six Very Easy Pieces; she, as #784533, is a Polish-Chinese translator who loves reciting verses from Wislawa Szymborska's "Love At First Sight" and has an overactive imagination to boot.

They actually fell in love with each other since their school days but did not have the chance to actually talk and become friends... until after 13 years....

Following is a chance meeting at a park, events, meddling acquaintances and pure bad luck which conspires to keep the would-be lovers apart as each makes plans to change their lives and leave the past behind.

"watched this show with siewmay & junwen just now. this show involves alot of laughter and tears. 3 stars!"

2003-09-09T14:58:00.000+08:00
Overview of the last few days
5th Sept
VS (Evening of Music and Drama) concert. i really must apologise for i was late for about an hour, if i am not wrong. i reached home quite late, as i waited for my dad to pick me up after buying a new shirt at northpoint. i didn't have anymore clothes in my wardrobe as most are kept in the box, waiting to be shifted again to my new house. i decided to wait for my dad since i'll take a shorter time to reach home than taking the mrt & buses. unfortunately, i was still late. must thank weixiang, for waiting at the bus stop; touring his school (their school's superb!)& sharing a cab with me.
the concert was not bad. i think their head prefect's performance was pretty well done. he was playing two roles by himself, of a woman and a man, entitled "the coffin is too big for the hole". hahaz.
their principal's very funny larhz. he addressed the audience near the end of the concert. he said sth like, "it's nice to see a number of young ladies with us tonight. it shows that vs guys are sociable and we need not be a mixed school..." & also told the girls among the audience that we have time to go out, but we must also concentrate on our studies.
after the concert, we went to old airport road (er...the name's something like that) to eat... urm should be supper. must thank everyone for accomodating to me, cos they helped me find a place where there're vegetarian stalls.

6th Sept
CNL concert. their repertoire's great. Purr-fect!! the woodwind quintet was especially impressive.
after the concert, i together with our band members then went to aljunied to have supper. xumao joined us too. also must thank him for waiting with us for our buses despite nearing midnight.
by the time we reached toa payoh, the mrt stopped operating already. reached home at 1am by cab. another tiring but fun day.

7th Sept
SunYanZi's autograph session. sigh. i didn't have the chance to have my cd + weekiat's signed after queing for almost 3 hours.
the worse thing next is, i had my "emotional explosion" in front of junwen. i swear (to myself) never to talk about the same thing in future. then, we went to sembawang park and talked and talked and... talked. although the place was quite crowded & noisy, looking and listening to the sea waves comforted the emotionally, physically & mentally-fatigued me.

8th Sept
"Empowering lives, designing destinies", was Adam Khoo company's slogan. his associates came to my school to give the graduating classes a one day's seminar, that will never bore people. I learnt quite alot and the seminar boosted my half-dead motivation spirit. there're 2 speakers. but, mr steward tan is my favourite speaker. other graduating classes thought alike. though mr adam khoo isn't present, i still managed to get my book autographed by his good friend, mr steward tan. (",)

2003-09-01T21:18:00.000+08:00
A fun day at the start of a new month
yeah. i enjoyed myself alot. long time since i so happy liaoz. actually, today held grpstudy with siewmay, weixiang, weekiat, junwen & weejuay. dey having ss prelims tmr. but read like a few pages only, some of dem cannot tahan liaoz so we played basketball loh. haha. extremely fun... cos alot of ppl involved. not bad lah. i scored 2 balls at quite a distance. de funny thing is... when i'm shooting my first ball, i shouted:" I hate JunWen!" & GOAL!!! hahaha... i knew this would work. i dint mean it though. =p

then, we went for lunch at about 1 plus at toa payoh. den junwen suddenly headache. de last time siewmay, junwen, weekiat n me went to de same food court, i got a tummy ache. weekiat says that everytime we go to that foodcourt sure got something happen onez. maybe just coincidence lah.

after we had our fill, they were taking photos with my handphone. since dey had so much fun with it, we all went to take neoprint... a photo card ba. take thrice cos we've 6 ppl ma... each time we take is $8 for 2 photo cards. very fun. de photos came out quite well. =)

abit tired. but i enjoyed this free teachers' day holiday. wish dem all de best for tmr's ss prelim! Jiayou!

2003-08-30T00:16:00.000+08:00
NSSSB HandOver Ceremony

2003-08-28T22:45:00.000+08:00
I'd like to dedicate this song (that I've been searching so long after watching "Ming Zhuan Qing Zhen" on Channel U months ago) to my dearest fwenz out there.....

2 Very Best friends since my Primary School Days...
Charlotte & MingYing

Special Friends whom I've met during my Secondary School Life...
Jessica, SiewChan, Grace, Uma, Jasrie, JunWen, WeiXiang & Vincent Wang

Those who've accompanied through my music journey in life...
(Yamaha) Joan, Miss Aderienne Chong & Miss Lee Bee Geok

(Northland Symphonic Band) Everyone, including Mr Tan Beng Wee, Mr Samuel Tan & Mr Tay Jiun Ngiap

And... to all teachers who've guided and taught me all these years... Have a very wonderful and happy teachers' day (in advanced)!

I Will Be Here for You Lyrics -- Michael W. Smith

When you feel the sunlight
Fade into the cold night
Don't know where to turn
I don't know where to turn
And all the dreams you're dreaming
Seem to lose their meaning
Let me in your world
Baby, let me in your world
All you need is someone you can hold
Don't be sad, you're not alone

(Chorus)
I will be here for you
Somewhere in the night
Somewhere in the night
I'll shine a light for you
Somewhere in the night
I'll be standing by
I will be here for you

In this world of strangers
Of cold and friendly faces
Someone you can trust
Oh there's someone you can trust
I will be your shelter
I'll give you my shoulder
Just reach out for my love
Reach out for my love
Call my name and my heart will hear
I will be there, there's nothing to fear

2003-08-23T15:32:00.000+08:00
Awhz! Not Again...
hmph... got to "move" house again... i really can't bear to leave my present house. to me, it's paradise here. the surroundings here are conducive for a relaxed and serene living. cause' it's quite far away from the central and less noisy, u see. moving to woodlands meant that i'd take a long time to travel to town, and my dream college as well (though i'm still wondering whether i've the aggregate to enter it)...
people would definitely think i'm crazy to rant and complain when i'm moving to a pent-house... that is near the mrt, bus interchange, shopping mall and even a four-storey library. but to me, i think all these when located too nearby my house would make me less want to return home as soon as possible after a hectic day. (that is why i very much wanted to experience countryside life... or rather, makes me want to, more than anything else)...
When would Christmas be..? *counts her fingers and frownz*

2003-08-22T22:43:00.000+08:00
Fate Changes Everything & Everything Changes Fate
watched the last episode of Chemistry on Channel 5 yesterday night and thought i learnt something from one of the cast, Howard. He said something that i thought was quite thought-provoking. I didn't exactly remembered his lines. But, he was trying to say that, [our destinies and fate are in our own hands, and we should give the person we love the chance to know how we felt, and that we really care, even if it may hurt if the other party (u-know-what)]...
it made sense. but i think people who don't... it's not that they gave up... they just did not want to make their feelings known somehow. or in chinese, "..bu(2) shi(4) xiang(3) fang(4) qi(4), zhi(3) shi(4) bu(4) xiang(3) zui(1) qiu(2) er(2) yi(3).." maybe some things are left better the way it is, i guess... *failure in expressing myself*
but anyway, Chemistry has a rather unusual but meaningful storyline that outshines from the other local-made english drama series.

~* u can listen to their theme songs ::here:: *~

Tarzan!

What movie Do you Belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-08-16T15:47:00.000+08:00
This week's Friday Five...
1. How much time do you spend online each day?
(ans) no specific timings. but most of the time more than 2 hours. depends on what i am doing. if im re-designing my webpage and blog, it'd be the entire day.

2. What is your browser homepage set to?
(ans) blogger. *winkz* easier to log in at once.

3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)?
(ans) yup. msn messenger service.

4. Where was your first webpage located?
(ans) my first is dedicated to Electone. i havent updated for ages... cos i lost the password and username... sad. it's located at http://pages.ivillage.com/sihui00net/hobbyelectone/

5. How long have you had your current website?
(ans) since march this year for my "before graduation" webpage which now have 2 versions. blog is started in may i think.

I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

2003-08-12T22:22:00.000+08:00
National Day's Eve Friday Five (8/8)

1. What's the last place you travelled to, outside your own home state/country?
(ans) should be Hong Kong i guess? that's the only last place i can think of that i last travelled to... in 2001.

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while travelling?
(ans) can't think of any.

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?
(ans) any countryside. maybe in australia, new zealand or europe? i need solitude. fresh air as well.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?
(ans) train i guess. but i haven't travelled to any country by train, yet. since technology's so advanced, i doubt there's a chance to do it. but the sceneries from sitting by the train's windows' definitely much better.

5. What's the next place on your list to visit?
(ans) haven't think of it yet. but definitely a countryside. would love to ride on horses too.

2003-08-05T21:31:00.000+08:00
Time is a continuum
Time flies... the sec 4s are going to handover soon. i don't like the feeling of it. not a bit. nevertheless, as a chinese saying goes, "every gathering has to come to an end." ("shi shang wu bu san zhi yan xi")

i miss the band badly. though, i haven't officially step down yet. *emptiness*

today, i borrowed my clarinet home. partly bcos weixiang would like to try on my Buffet C12. on the other hand, i really can't bear to "leave my hubby", even though it's the school's property.

i also played the trumpet today. yay. it's really tough to pitch and my embouchure* (pardon my spelling) is extremely funny. i can't help but to puff my cheeks. i did manage to play the tuning note.. but just for a while. hahaz. that's the only best thing about stepping down -- u can try on other instruments.

nothing much to write today. that's all folks.

** pst! happy bday in advanced.. to uma(8/8), pradeep(7/8) & jannah(9/8)! & not forgetting, Happy 38th bday, my beloved Singapore!

Are you easily stressed?

2003-08-02T14:51:00.000+08:00
This week's FridayFive...
1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
(ans) since weekdays are school days, i'd usually wake up at 5.30am.

2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
(ans) Yep, i do. I even take naps on weekends. I sleep at around 11 or 12pm.

3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
(ans) off the radio? haha... i have my radio tuned to 93.3 while i sleep at night most of the time...

4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
(ans) *without hesitation* 1 hour... for the wash up, making of bed, tying of my hair into a ponytail, putting on uniform... and that excludes breakfast. *wink* i take a long time to get ready.

5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
(ans) when possible... um... blk 226F in amk cos this is where heavenly delicacies are made!

---------

pst! happy bday brother ! your present : a movie treat @ 6.30

2003-07-29T16:19:00.000+08:00
Vague yet deep childhood memories
been in yamaha electone class for a decade. almost. i still remembered the times me and my classmates shared...

our first teacher was ms aderienne chong. she's a great teacher and pampered us alot... (u'd see why later on) if i remembered correctly, there were 6 of us in her class. joan, jieying, deeg, jasper*, nicholas* and myself. (*- i'm not very sure if i got their names correctly... so long ago already...)

once, when we were learning the beginners' book 2 and the theme was on foods/snacks. ms chong bought tidbits like rice crackers, soda and mash mellows every lesson... she made us listen to the song we are going to learn to play on cd that day, and eat along with the song. for e.g. that day the song we are going to learn is on soda. she bought cans of soda and we drank sip by sip according to the beat of the song. that was extremely fun!!

today, i have to make use of this as evidence to confirm whether nicholas was really one of us in that class so many years ago...

yesterday, i received an sms from weixiang(my band mate) asking me if my english name was crystal. he told me that his classmate(nicholas) described somebody just like me, and that nicholas once learnt the electone at my previous yamaha branch, yishun.
then, nicholas and i asked ourselves alot of questions thru sms yesterday night. every "evidence" seemed so right... however, we're still in doubt... because some doesn't match. like, a girl by the name of crystal he knows doesn't exist in our class. joan and i confirmed that. also, we're the only oldest batch around at that time. so there couldn't be other classes.

i really felt like i am tracking a long lost friend... some things just can't be replaced... especially childhood memories and friendships... nothing can be compared to the strong bonds our class built while learning the electone together.... the sad thing is, the place is no longer there... and the only few who "survived" until now are joan, jieying and myself.....

2003-07-28T15:08:00.000+08:00
doctors... medicine...
i got a shock of my life when the doctor told me i'm suffering from low blood pressure. 86. as compared to normal blood pressure (110 to less than 140), mine was lower than the normal low blood pressure. and the next thing i know was... i can't take milk and tea stuff... *stares* milk+tea=my favourite. *awhz* and one of the capsules given is bigger than a 10-cent coin... thicker than a dollar coin... charcoal black in colour... it's name is even more terrifying: ULTRACARBON *faintz* but i managed to finish them, surprisingly. cos' those who knows me well, knows that i hate medicine... well, anything to do with hospitals... clinics... etc.

these few days, i've been resting at home. and i definitely learnt alot from my mom. she explained to me some of the health-related articles that are beneficial to me. i must admit... i don't really bother about how i eat, when i eat, what i eat... generally, my health.
i really must thank my mom. when i was a young toddler, she buys me foods that are highly nutritious. ginseng and other herbs, together with porridge? and birds nest? she told me just today and added that, if not for all these tonics and stuff, i would have... *lack of vocab* (translating's a tough job...)

now, i truly know why they got so furious whenever i get sick...

Which HP Kid Are You?

2003-07-22T22:30:00.000+08:00
This is the day . . .
..when Northland Secondary School Symphonic Band clinched a Silver for SYF Central Judging.
I'm feeling kind of neutral about this. I know we should be contented that we managed to maintained our standard and that Gold is too far-fetched a goal. But, it doesn't mean that it is impossible. Still, SYF only means that we are able to play the 2 competition pieces well. So, whether or not the Silver is too easy to get and is too common for almost every Band in Singapore doesn't matter. What matters is, we put in alot of our effort and time in practising and wanted the result we initially aimed for.

This is also the day I came to know how narrow-minded my friend is(and I really hope that I am dreaming now... this can't be true... can it?). What's wrong with being too emotional? If you don't like it, what can you do? U mean u can control emotions? Oh please lah... Some people are just too emotional and that doesn't mean that u can categorise them under the "plain-immaturity" category... DOTZ... Get a Life, man!
So many people in this world express themselves through different mediums... could be emotions... could be acting... could be dancing... or even music... etc... we choose to live our own lives, express ourselves differently and who are you to place us in your own 'self-worded' categories?! DOTZ!

2003-07-15T19:33:00.000+08:00

Which [Seven Dwarfs] are you?

2003-07-13T21:25:00.000+08:00

You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-07-13T20:26:00.000+08:00
This week's FridayFive...
1. Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it?
(ans) Charlotte. My primary school friend. We were in the same class: P1-4E & P6B...

2. Are you still in touch with this person?
(ans) Yep! Since we left our primary school, we kept in touch through letters, until now. And recently, she joined me at the same tuition centre. We also remembered each other's birthdays every year. =)

3. Do you have a current close friend?
(ans) Mm-hmm. Actually, a number of them are my close friends. Like, Jessica, Uma and Jasrie.

4. How did you become friends with this person/people?
(ans) -Jessica- We attend the same secondary school... and were from the same class from sec1 to 2... -Uma & Jasrie- We are members from the Band... and the same class for almost 2 years... go to the mrt station to get home quite often, together...

5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Why?
(ans) Definitely, MingYing. We knew each other since primary 1, and can be considered as close friends. But she moved and transferred to another estate... so we lost touch.

2003-07-13T00:35:00.000+08:00
Copious Tears
yesterday was the most unimaginable night for me ever... I wasn't sure if that was myself. I felt that there was this round trough, like the one in the science lab... filled with huge gallons of water. Maybe it was filled to the brim already... so it overflowed continuously like the floods china is encountering now. I felt much better, although shocked at what happened.
Thanks to my mom. I felt so bad that she had to stay up so late to comfort me. I told her what I experienced in school this year, especially recently. When my hands were held in hers, I felt much better... like a bandage over a wound...
It was difficult to "widen" my "sore" bulging eyes this morning... When I reached band today, my section people were asking if something was wrong... and finally pour out my woes particularly on the band to LinJean, surprisingly. Surprised because, I don't normally tell anyone, not even my closest friend, how I feel deep inside of me. Not even on this blog. It's not that I don't trust my friends. I just find it extremely difficult to express from within. I guess that is why I encounter "emotion explosions"...?

Lately, too many things happened... especially in the band... I don't want to talk about it anymore after already replying to 3 ppl's, "Are u alright?"
Why must everything go haywire at this crucial moment, with SYF nearing...

I am tired. Extremely tired.
||| blogged on Saturday, 12 July 2003 |||

2003-07-09T19:29:00.000+08:00
Came & Went together...
The blow was almost too painful to bear. This was because hopes that conjoined Iranian twins Ladan and Laleh Bijani would pull through the risky surgery to separate them had soared so high. Even at 1.30pm yesterday after they had been separated, optimism remained high. Suddenly, within hours they were both dead.
The team of six surgeons and their 100 supporting staff had tried to stem the profuse bleeding. They failed. What led to the deaths will be examined and analysed in the weeks ahead...
Their (the twins) deaths have devastated not only their family and Iranians but also people everywhere, particularly those in Singapore. For it was here that the two bright and lively 29-year-old sisters had arrived in November.
They knew they could die, but they were unwavering in their decision after a lifetime of compromising on everything -- from when to wake up to what career to pursue. However, their relentless pursuit of leading individual lives ended in tragedy yesterday at the Raffles Hospital.
[an extract from "Streats" newspaper on July 9 2003]
My deepest sympathy to the sisters' family.

2003-07-06T21:31:00.000+08:00
Dear God, I Wish...
that Jasrie stays truly happy & finds a great confidante...
that Lin Jean don't have to feel so miserable in school...
that Edmund stays in the pink of health... (Get Well Soon!)
that Mr Tay isn't upset anymore...

"When life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, show that you have a million & one reason to smile."

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Today, after my electone lesson at thomson plaza, I spotted this polaris necklace at one of the jewelry shop. It was priced at $199. It really looked like the one in the very popular korea show: Winter Sonata. Well, it is the one in the show. I was like so stunned when the salesman showed it to me. I stood there admiring it for like 15 minutes? Haha! *Click on the above the Picture*

2003-06-28T14:40:00.000+08:00

Which [Finding Nemo] characters are you?
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Which [Rainbow Colours] are you?

2003-06-26T14:04:00.000+08:00

Which [Smallville] Characters are you?

2003-06-23T22:28:00.000+08:00
*Sigh*
one word for today: terrible. suddenly, i am in a "waterfall" mode.
"i feel as if i do not exist here. is that person showing how bad i am at this job? implying that he could do a much better job than me?"
i don't know about others. u can say i am pessimistic. but imagine how u'd feel when many a times this person took over your job, in your presence. do u feel good? i don't. if i am not good enough, let me know. i want and will improve.
i don't know how to express my thoughts on this clearly but i do feel very unwanted and unimportant. (i have difficulty expressing myself)
sigh. i didn't want my blog to be filled with times when i am in low spirits. i try not to. not even rants. brake here.
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yesterday went to com works concert which featured a few pieces that some schools are playing for their syf. the concert didn't impress me at all despite their achievements: first prize in first division in World Music Contest. the brasses sounded raw unlike our band (we sounded warm although not as good as them technically). their percussion didn't balance i think. sounded kind of irritating. but their clarinet section's good cause they blend in with the band with clear articulation. best piece should be ross roy.
lots of teasings yesterday. linjean's love-struck. saw a clarinetist which according to her looks dashing. don't know they go there for the right reasons or not. *shakes head* then, this sji boy was mesmerised by kitmun. he did something which was kind of lame. threw a piece of paper with his hp no. to kitmun who's sitting in front and wanted her to sms him asap. *shakes head vigourously*
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on our way home, diana talked to me about some of her bad experiences in friendships. and we both agreed it's extremely difficult to find a confidante in secondary school life.
i think it is really important to be truthful to each other. cause we've accepted each other, that is why we've became the best of friends. what's the use of saying appreciating one's friendship when another moment, you badmouth people behind their backs.
she said that she'd rather know what her friends think about her and be frank.
come to think of it... i really do want to know what my friends think about me.
hope they don't feel awkward when i suddenly pose this question.
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happy bday siewchan.